Feeling Lost

Part of me wants to go back, part of me knows I couldn't handle it. The rest of me is yelling "You can't afford it anyway so why keep thinking about it?!"

Well I think I know the answer to that. Something doesn't feel right inside now that I'm home, now that I'm suddenly no longer tied to this city, this country. I feel a bit lost, like I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. Or where I belong.

He took my mojo too

Well I know I said it would be quiet around here for awhile, but I didn't quite mean this quiet. I'll explain. On Monday when I returned home from Cobram Mark came over and proceeded to break up with me. It was a surprise that's for sure. I won't get into the details, suffice to say it wasn't a bad breakup, it was necessary and the logical thing to do, but it still hurt like hell. For a week I just lay around and cried, I felt like I couldn't do anything without it feeling like someone was gradually pulling out my intestines and punching my heart at the same time. So I didn't unpack the final things from Europe, I didn't unpack my bag from Cobram, I didn't clean, I didn't cook with my new scanpan, I didn't go to work on what was meant to be my first day back. I was just so drained emotionally and physically that everything was an effort. Even reading my beloved Frankie was too much for me to handle.

So since getting back from Europe I have now completely lost my mojo, both cooking and crafty. I'm hardly even interested in the things that I used to spend hours reading and doing. I really really hope I get my mojo back, because it was a part of me that I was really excited about, and a developing part that I was so desperate to nurture and protect because it finally gave me something that made me feel... like me. I hope it comes back, but for the time being I need to focus on other parts of me that also need nurturing, such as my whole self image and mental construction of myself. It's something that has been ignored for too long. So while my heart is healing and my mind is being "reconstructed" hopefully my mojo will come crawling back to me.

A belated return to blogland

That's right, I'm back, and I've been back for alomst a week now. It's strange how every now and then I get a blog block, and no matter what thrilling and inspiring things have been going on in my life, I just can't find the motivation to blog about it. This always dissapoints me in the end because I look back and think "why didn't I write about that?". It's a little bit like my travel journal which got abandoned a few days into Nice, and sadly will probably never be updated. Luckily I have 1200 pictures to remind me of our trip!

I've also hit a creative block, although let's be honest, there's been a lot of talking (and spending) about craft and not a lot of actual DOING. Which is frustrating me greatly. The main problem I have is space. I have no space to put my crafty supplies, I have no space to do my crafty things, I have no space to put my finished crafty things (if there ever were any), and currently I lack the head space to think about crafty things. I have one eye on my stitching book, one eye on my soon-to-be-announced uni timetable, one eye on my calendar to decide when to go back to work, one eye on my phone waiting for a call from Fernwood, and one eye on my bank account because I owe mum money for the trip and I don't have much left after that. Unfortunately, I just don't have that many eyes.

What I needed was space (both physical and head space) so I'm in Cobram for the week hanging around at my parents house, doing a whole lot of nothing because my friends are all at work, and planning my next move when I hit the streets of Melbourne again.

So until then it may remain a bit quiet around here, so feel free to check out a (very small) selection of my photos from Europe over on flickr, the others are on facebook and I might get around to posting the links one day. But not today, because I'm starving and these parents of mine never have any food around!

Countdown to Oz

Well here I am on my third last day in Italy and Europe. We have done so much and been here for so long but I am so excited to be going home to the comfort of Australia, its amazing what you miss when youre so far away. I wrote up a list of all the things I want to do when I get back home, and they are so random and varied its really quite funny. I miss the little things the most, like my doona, my coffee mug, making dinner for my brother and me, walks in Cobram with mum, sunday nights with my friend Gabi, our supermarkets (shock, I will never complain about safeway again!), and all kinds of other little things. I cant wait to get home and cook with my new scanpan, go shopping for a dress for an upcoming 21st, be able to have conversations with complete strangers and shop assistants, and walk out my front door in the morning knowing exactly where I am going and how I will get there.

Dont get me wrong, as soon as I get home Ill probably start to miss Europe. Ill miss the culture, the history, (some of) the food, the huuuge amounts of artwork and sculptures, the price of coffee at the train station in Rome (1.15 euros!), the snow at Meribel, the baguettes in Paris. Ive had fun here, and Ive learnt a lot as well, even though being sick really took a lot away from the trip. At least now on my last few days in Rome I am healthy and feeling good (despite very very sore legs and feet). It will be good to go home, but I will be leaving with a lot of good memories and perhaps a couple of not so good memories, but they will just make my stories more interesting!

Ive seen some amazing things, and a lot of very famous things, the Mona Lisa, the Eiffel Tower, the Statue of David, the Colosseum, the Sistine Chapel, the canals of Venice, and a whole lot more. Im glad were in an age where I can go home, pull out my laptop and just look through all the photos I took from my trip (over 400 now) and relive the experience. Ill get a lot of photos printed, but the ability to look through it all on my computer is very handy.

I cant write for very long because Im in an internet cafe, so Ill wrap things up here. Ive hope youve enjoyed my few updates on my trip, and I look forward to coming home and getting back into my craftyness and creativeness.