16 Bluebirds

As for the earthquake.. I was at Tokyo Disneyland

2011-03-21T20:40:00.006+11:00

Of course it started as a beautiful perfect sunny day. Don't the worst days always start that way?

A few hours later and we were huddled with thousands of other people, waiting through the aftershocks, waiting to know if we were going home, and waiting through the rain that suddenly started to fall.

The line just to go the restrooms an hour after the earthquake was longer than the lines had been for most of the rides earlier that day.

We weren't going home. The train lines were stopped and there was no way back to Tokyo other than a 6 hour walk. So we wore plastic bags to keep the warmth in, barricaded ourselves with cardboard to keep the zero degrees wind out, and ate free cookies and chocolate because it was the only food we could get.

After 8 hours outside, the buildings were finally determined to be safe enough for us to shelter in for the rest of the night. We slept, (or tried to, as every aftershock had my heart pounding and my eyes on the exits) on cardboard in a theatre that would usually show a 3D movie about Michael Jackson and aliens, our own reality seemed more surreal somehow.

At 6am we were herded into buses back to Tokyo, stepping over the cracks in the carpark cement. "Ki o tsukete" the staff said in parting "be careful".

A week and a bit later I'm still in Japan but I'm back in Nagoya. The aftershocks that continued to reach me for days after left me constantly terrified, even though I logically knew they posed no threat to me. I made an evacuation bag anyway. I made plans with a teacher who lives in the same building as me in case we had to run. I'm not scared of the nuclear plant, though I am worried about the students I know who have moved to Tokyo. I had already booked my flight back to Australia in April before all of this happened and I'll be leaving Japan 16 days from now. I'm not running, I'm just returning. But it sure doesn't feel that way sometimes.

Falling.

2011-03-06T21:14:00.003+11:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm standing on the edge, and if I were to linger for much longer I'd fall in head first. Whether it's head first into anxiety, depression or even love I'm always clinging onto that edge. I've fallen before. I've fallen a lot of times for a lot of reasons and all of them resulted in my heart feeling like it had been ripped from my chest. Love should be good and it should be happy and depression should be sad but sometimes the feelings melt into one another, where love makes me depressed and depression makes me lovesick. And that's why I avoid your eyes and keep my head bowed or settled somewhere else while we speak. I don't want to fall because although you seem perfect and we would be perfect it still wouldn't be enough, and I don't want that again. I don't want to fall for the wrong reason.

Snow snow snow

2011-01-20T01:43:00.003+11:00

I wish it snowed everyday. One day was not nearly enough. Even though it made trains stop and feet freeze, it never stops feeling magical for me :)

Looking up.

2010-12-20T00:44:00.004+11:00

I went to church today. I don't usually go to church, and I'm not a Christian so this was a significant event for me. My friend invited me to her church's Christmas party and there was a service before the party which was mainly playing Christmas games and singing Christmas songs. I don't know how I feel about religion. It's always been something that sat kinda strangely with me. I wasn't raised religious, but I wasn't raised to be against religion either.

I've always believed in God (or something) and as a child and a teenager and on a few occasions as an adult I've prayed. When I was a kid I asked for stupid things, then as a teenager during that horrible shit time I prayed just for strength to get me through it, and as an adult I prayed for guidance because I felt so lost. I don't really know why I did it, I didn't really expect anything magical to happen. But for some reason, getting down on my knees and putting my head on my bed (cliche I know, but it *feels* right) and speaking out loud, even if I was talking to myself more than to God, I always felt like a weight was lifted and I could start to see more clearly. Usually, the second I spoke, I was in tears and just repeating "Help me, help me, what should I do? I can't do this" into my bed covers until my body was tired and I'd just sit there in silence for awhile. Eventually I'd sit back, wipe my eyes and go back to whatever I was doing before, feeling like I'd at least emptied my heart of whatever emotions had been building up in there.

At the service today people were making speeches about their own personal experiences with God and learning Christianity, because most Japanese people aren't Christian but find it later in life. Everything was in Japanese and English, so I could understand what was going on. I found myself tearing up a couple of times and I wondered why. I felt bad that I was there and I wasn't a Christian and that when they talked about Jesus and the bible a little part of me wanted to roll my eyes. But when they talked about their struggles and how they prayed for an answer, I knew how that felt and I understood their pain. So it made me wonder, is this something I should do? I feel like I could never really fully embrace Christianity, and I'd feel like an impostor if I tried.

Honestly I don't even know who I'm praying to when I'm praying. I call it God because that's what we all learn. But I don't know if it's a Christian God or if it's just the universe and fate and destiny and luck that I'm praying to. Religion is such a touchy topic, it's just too difficult to talk to people about without someone getting offended at some point so usually I just keep my thoughts to myself about it. I know I'm not the only person who prays without knowing who they're praying to though. Least we're all in that together then right?

Feel the swing.

2010-12-05T03:13:00.002+11:00

Why do I always feel like I have more to hide than I have to say? I'm talking at walls and hoping they aren't listening. I'm so tired of compartmentalising my life. For so long I've kept secrets, not even interesting secrets, but secrets nonetheless. My real life friends don't know about my blog and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever tell them, not that it really matters any more. Although the line that separates "real life friends" and "internet friends" has become increasingly blurred over the last year or two. And then, the people who do know I have a blog don't read it anyway so what's the point in hiding it?

I guess before it was because I felt lame, and I needed an outlet that was just for me and this crafty thing I was trying to do. And then it became something else, just an outlet. And sometimes it's nice to just have a space that is for you and not have to worry about anyone else because you can do with it what you want and post emo thoughts and pretend arty pictures and indulge yourself with comments from super lovely people. But somewhere along the way I lost it and I stopped posting and people stopped reading and commenting and it felt lonely and bare again.

I remember when I was in high school. I went through a super horrible shit time and my head just wasn't right like it should have been. I remember when I was freaking out I used to crawl under my computer desk and just sit there, my back against the wall and my knees against my chest. I still don't really know why it made me feel better but somehow being in a small space felt safe and comforting even though I was hiding more from myself than from anything else. Sometimes now I feel like I need that small space, I need something to wrap around me and close me in and bring me back to my senses. I don't care if it's a desk or a blanket or the arms of another person. I just need my spot back.

This blog is bipolar

2010-10-03T20:28:00.005+11:00

I know I sound miserable. When I reread my posts I realise how depressed I sound and how it seems like I'm having a completely horrible time. But in fact most of the time I'm ok, even happy perhaps? I'm cheerful and genki at work and I can be irritatingly upbeat in my classes, sometimes it the only way to make a seriously boring class fun. If I didn't have the tendency to whine about everything under the sun (bad habits die hard, though I do it while smiling), I think most people I've met in Japan would say that I'm a pretty happy and carefree person. For me that's a pretty major achievement, considering my attitude and mood in my last months (years?) in Melbourne was probably not an entirely pleasant one to be around most of the time.

I teach 34 forty minute lessons a week, my students are whoever has signed up for that slot and they can be any level. Classes are only between one and four students but most of the time it's only one or two. My job, basically, is to teach a conversation from a textbook, drill it a bunch of times, and then turn it into a real conversation. My job literally, is small talk. Back home I loathed small talk, I would do anything in my power to avoid it, which essentially meant avoiding new people in general. I was quite happy with the friends I had and I didn't need to make banal conversation with people I had no interest in at all. And now it's my job, ironic huh? But the thing is, I don't mind. If this job (and Japan) has given me anything, it's the ability to actually act like a social human being. When I tell students that I'm actually pretty shy their face almost falls off from shock, "Shy?! You are not shy!" they say. I'm still a bit crap at talking to people in real life, outside of work (when I don't have the power to simply say "ok ask me a question now", or "tell me an interesting story"), I've made a lot of friends that I probably wouldn't have if this job (and this country) hadn't forced me out of my Fibo bubble.

One of my biggest loves in Japan is of course the stationery. It's not even an exaggeration to say that I'm totally addicted to it, especially considering I have twelve letter sets, nine sheets of stickers and seven packs of envelopes. It's not even a guilty pleasure for me as not only is stationary awesome and cute and adorable with it's fail English, it's cheap! All my letter sets cost me 130 yen each, most stickers are between 100 and 200 yen, and the envelopes were 100 yen as well. In fact, the most expensive part of letter writing is the postage. It only costs 130 yen to buy a letter set with 8 pieces of paper and 4 envelopes, but it costs 120 yen for a stamp to send one letter to Australia. And yet every week I find myself at the post office with a pile of letters (and sometimes packages for my luckier friends). There's something that feels really really good about writing a letter for a friend or family member, choosing what letter set to use, decorating it with stickers, sealing the envelope with my polka dot masking tape, and picking a cute anime stamp to put on it when my post office lady asks me "kawaii kitte?" (cute stamp?) and I reply with "HAI!". Sometimes I think I enjoy sending letters more than people enjoy receiving them. Which is a good thing considering less than half of the 20 or so people I've written to have got around to replying, even my best friends (yes they are busy, I know I know). Still, nothing puts a ridiculous grin on my face more than ripping open a letter and reading it on the subway on my way to work.

So I just wanted to say that. Because most of the time I'm ok. Even happy. It's just I get lonely easily, especially at night when it's just me in this apartment and everyone back home is asleep because they don't get home from work at 10.30pm like I do, and they don't stay up until 3am like I do. So when I'm lonely I think too much, and when I think too much I get depressed, and when I get depressed and I think my twitter is sick of hearing about it I blog. So I might go write a letter now, because talking about my stationary has made my fingers itchy and I kinda need to get my hands on my stickers right now :) Mata ne..

The reality of dreams.

2010-08-29T03:43:00.003+10:00

There are things I try to put out of my mind so I don't miss them, because I know it's not worth it because I can't have them back anyway. Stupid things like my bed, baking, walking down my street, drinking tea on my balcony, driving, being able to *speak* to shop assistants. Non-stupid things like sitting in my loungeroom with my friends, my brother's unrelenting easy-going-ness, my mum's hugs, my dad's.. dad-ness. I put it out of my head because I know if I think about it I'll only miss it more and get upset, it's better to pretend I don't miss it.

But now I sit here and I think about the reality of my dreams. And it's easy to think about how wonderful it is to live in another country and how great my plans are to move to Korea next year and Europe after that and god knows what else. But the reality is that I'm not going home. And I don't know when I'm going home. And I never really think about that for too long because, as I always remind myself and my students and my friends here, I don't have a job back home. I don't have a future back home. But it's still my home. And it's still where my friends are, and my family is, and the part of me that loves Melbourne so much I can't help but brag about how great it is to everyone I meet.

And I wonder when it gets easier? When does not seeing your best friends and your family become ok? Because four months isn't a long time, I can get through this much. But a year down the track, two years? When people have changed and I've changed and our lives have changed, will our friendship have changed? Will I still know my family like I did then? Already I hardly speak to my brother despite having lived with him for the past 3 years, he was never good at phone conversations but surely we should try before it's too late and we don't know each other anymore?

I wonder if I'm still running. Running from whatever it was back home that made me tired and bitchy and upset all the time. Sometimes I feel happy here. But at night these sad thoughts rip through me like a knife and I don't know what to do with them anymore. And I think maybe it'll be better in Korea. But what if it's not? Will I run again? Or go back home?

2010-08-27T14:59:00.002+10:00

In an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.

Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.

When she doesn’t respond,
I know she’s used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.

- The Quiet World, Jeffrey McDaniel –

It's far too late for logical thought

2010-08-22T02:54:00.002+10:00

I want to write. I want to take photos. I want to bake. I want to be more than I am here. Why do I feel like I'm becoming a newer better person here but I'm sad that I'm losing a part of me that blossomed and flourished through this blog and all those blogs I used to read? Am I losing that creative part of me? Have I been swallowed up into k-pop fandom so much that I've forgotten the person I used to be? And is that a good or a bad thing? I know that a lot of my photos and musings were inspired by feeling lonely and misplaced, so is it such a bad thing that I've moved on from that? Is this bouncy eager part that I play at work really me or am I just letting this fake personality take over my life? I really don't know what I want anymore. Except that I want to write, and take photos and bake. The only future I can see that makes me happy is to open that cafe/bookshop/bar that I've dreamed of a few times over the years on this blog. But it's too scary to even consider. There's no way I could ever open my own business. It's a nice dream though. It's 2am and I have a cold and I'm getting up in 7 hours to have lunch with a Japanese girl who I've never met before who may or may not speak English and I have absolutely no time to prep for a bunch of new special classes I have to teach next week and.. I just don't understand myself anymore.

Road-trippin' to the beach

2010-08-08T16:03:00.002+10:00

What a day. Following a night that involved six hours of Karaoke and only two hours of sleep I went on a road trip to the beach with some friends. The beach was so beautiful, the water was crystal clear, calm and deep. The sand was soft and not like the many gravel beaches around here. Families pitched sun tents and parasols, played volleyball on the beach and floated around in inflatable rings. I've never had such a relaxing time at the beach! In the water we watched as fish swam around our feet, floated lazily without even trying in the super salty water and watched as one friend swam out so far we thought she was headed for Korea! On the sand we lay under our parasol, ate sandwiches, shared earphones and music and discussed the differences between Japanese, Korean and Spanish. In all, a very good day.

This is summer:

2010-08-06T20:10:00.002+10:00

I told myself I'd be a better blogger in Japan..

2010-08-03T02:41:00.005+10:00

I'll be honest with you, all of these photos are from my iPhone. My desire to carry a camera (even a tiny one) around in my bag which is already heavy from textbooks and pencil cases and god knows what else, is zero. Thank the iPhone gods for photos apps.

I do want to start blogging more, even though I've been terrible at it this year. I'm starting to feel this creeping need to write more, although I've always hated what I write. Maybe if I just post random drabbles on here it'll clear my mind more? It'll at least give me something to during these nocturnal hours considering I don't seem to get to bed until past 2am these days. We'll see how I go, I can always delete them later I suppose.

Fighting battles against myself

2010-06-09T13:23:00.003+10:00

Well I've been in Japan for officially two months now. It's certainly been the biggest challenge of my life and to be honest I didn't know if I'd even last this long. I've fought off major heart-wrenching homesickness, continuous work-induced panic attacks, overwhelming loneliness and that general overall horrible feeling that you've made the biggest mistake of your life. I really felt like I was failing and that I was a crap teacher and I was one of those people who just couldn't "hack it" in another country. It's really a terrible feeling when you look forward to something for so long and then you get here and think "what the hell made me think I could do this?".

But things are slowly getting better. I still get nervous about work but it doesn't send me into a spiral of panic. I'm still homesick but I'm not crying over the fact that I can't eat bacon and eggs with my parents on Sunday mornings. I'm still lonely sometimes but I've made some really great friends here who make my weekends something to really look forward to. Things are definitely not perfect and I'm not sure that I really love (or like) my job all that much but if I can get through each day and have a little bit of fun and maybe a few interesting conversations then that's a good day. A whole year here feels like a long time and I wonder sometimes if I can really deal with a full year, but I'm sure it'll start going by super quickly soon. I have a lot of things in semi-planning at the moment (day trip to Tokyo Disneyland, climbing Mount Fuji, holiday to South Korea in summer, a weekend trip somewhere with my cousin) so I have a lot to look forward to.

As always a bit of Dr Seuss wisdom fits perfectly with my experience here, my Mum even told me that she's been reading my "Oh! The Places You'll Go!" book that Halia gave me whenever I complain of being homesick and she feels sad.

"I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too.

Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,

Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot."

But in times like these all I need to do is look to my crazy Super Junior boys and they make me feel all better again ;)

Konichiwa Nagoya

2010-04-12T10:05:00.002+10:00

Kirei desu ne? Watashi wa Nagoya suki desu yo! :)

Sayonara Melbourne!

2010-04-05T10:25:00.003+10:00

I know I should've posted about this earlier, but I'm leaving for Japan on Wednesday! Since my last post I finally got that email I had been waiting for (after a horrible week where my phone broke, my apartment was flooded and we were homeless for a week and my car broke down again) saying that I had been accepted into the April placement!

I tried to write this post a million times but I never knew what to say and eventually I just gave up. My feelings have a been that weird combination of excited/nervous/freaked out/terrified/in denial and words haven't really been coming to me so easily. On top of that I've stopped reading blogs, I've stopped cooking and baking and I've been sucked into the magnificent world that is k-pop (korean pop, don't ask). It seems my brain is in another place and I'm not really coping well with this whole leaving-the-country-for-an-unspecified-amount-of-time thing. For awhile I was really emotional about it but that seems to have passed, in this last week of goodbyes and farewell parties I've been surprisingly unmoved. I suppose that even though I keep telling myself that it's the last time I'll see someone/do something/be somewhere there's really no way to actually accept that it's the truth.

So for some details: I'll be living in Nagoya in a one bedroom/studio style apartment (tiny! but cosy?) right near the Kurumamichi station which is just two stops from Sakae (downtown Nagoya). I leave the land of Aus on Wednesday afternoon and I'm staying in a hostel for two weeks during my training period while I wait for my apartment to be vacated. I start training on the 12th and I start teaching two weeks after that! I've been shopping like a mad woman for work clothes as I have to wear very conservative business attire, ie. button down shirt and jacket. And it's actually not that easy to find shirts in Melbourne as everyone here wears blouses and pretty tops instead of button down shirts! Anyway after the ridiculous amount of money I spent I'm pretty happy, I'm excited to show you some photos of my in my full teaching get-up!

I've spent a lot of time in the city over the last few weeks, hanging out with a wonderful girl that I met at the Japanese consulate who just left for Japan yesterday morning to study Japanese north of Tokyo, and also with the magnificent Halia who I only met in person for the first time on Saturday! I love hanging out with the city and I really wanted to soak up as much as I could because I know I'll miss it a lot when I'm gone. So I drank coffee in Fed Square at Beer Deluxe (best coffee ever) while people watching at the Saturday Book Market, I drank Asahi at the riverside bar on Southbank, I ate dumplings in Tattersales Lane, I ate cupcakes on the lawn of the State Library, I went to two comedy festival shows and I took numerous sets of silly photobooth photos at the Japanese and Korean "photo world's" on Swanston Street. In all I think I did a pretty good job of sampling Melbourne's little pleasures!

So for now I'll say 'mata ne' (see you later) and hopefully when I'm settled into my apartment in a few weeks I'll have lots of photos to share with you and I can start blogging again properly! Minasan arigatou gozaimasu, ganbarimasu! (Thankyou everyone, I will work hard!)

A new challenge

2010-01-20T17:45:00.003+11:00

I've tried to write a new post a thousand times but it always feels so depress-y and I already feel like my blog is a bit of a downer anyway. I'm trying so hard to channel the good feelings into this space but I never really feel the desire to blog until something crappy happens. I think that's why my diaries are all so depressing as well, I never feel the need to write about the good stuff. Maybe that's because I'm out enjoying the good stuff instead of sitting on my computer listening to Conor Oburst and feeling sorry for myself.

So as much as I'd love to share a cheery story with you today I have to be honest and tell you what's getting me down at the moment. Because even if this space does get a bit depress-y sometimes, the comments I get always renew my faith in the world and cheer me up a hundred times over.

I didn't get a placement in Japan. Not for this round anyway, which means I have to wait another 6 months and maybe I'll be leaving in May/June. But I might not even get in that round either! I just wish I had known that it was a possibility that I wasn't going to get a placement, they never told us that. I still want to go and I'll wait until June but I can't hang around in Melbourne for another 6 months and continue treading water like I am. I'm not saving any money at all, I'm not happy at work, and I'm just not doing anything in Melbourne that is enough to keep me here.

So I'm planning to move back home with my parents, work at a local factory and save as much money as possible in the few months that I have left here. It's not exactly an exciting proposition but at least I'll get to spend some time with my parents before I move half a world away. I'm always hoping that living back home will force me to eat a bit healthier and the gym is just down the road so I don't really have any excuses not to get fit again. This is the plan anyway, I still have to apply for a job at this factory and see if I can get in before I do anything else.

Hopefully this way at least if I don't get into the next round of placements in Japan then at least I'll have saved enough money to just head overseas and start doing my own thing instead of continuing to put my life on hold and waiting around forever.

Counting to infinity

2010-01-01T20:25:00.003+11:00

On this first day of the new decade I found myself randomly bursting into tears while cleaning my room for no particular reason. I guess I had hoped that by the time we had brought in the new year I would know where I was and where I'm going. Instead I'm still waiting on an email that seems to never be coming while treading water at work until I leave. Essentially I'm in limbo, and it's really starting to get to me. I can't make plans, I can't book tickets, I can't start packing up my room, it's starting to feel like I'm not going anywhere at all. And in the midst of all this I feel desperately lonely and lost, all I want to do is get out there in the world and start meeting people. I'm so glad that 2009 is over because it was a really crappy year, but I just wanted 2010 to start with a bit more clarity and direction than I have right now.

Cupcakes of happiness

2009-12-13T17:15:00.002+11:00

All men have a sweetness in their life. That is what helps them go on.
It is towards that they turn when they feel too worn out.

-Albert Camus

Oven baked joy

2009-12-12T19:51:00.004+11:00

Go on, have a look at this photo and just try not to be joyful. Isn't that the magic of honey joys? Pretty bird platters and op shopped tableclothes help too. I'm feeling a bit down at the moment because of a few mean people so I need all the joy I can get these days. Yummy power seems to work just as well as pretty power, and as always I'm just telling myself that this is a test of my strength so I can be prepared for the big move to Japan. I'm a very sensitive person and I tend to take criticism very personally and I doubt Japan is going to be all cute kids and silly songs all the time. I need to learn to toughen up a bit and just accept that not everyone is as empathetic as I am. Though really, would it hurt people to just be nice?

Even if it hurts

2009-12-09T21:05:00.001+11:00

Always try to be merry,
love the one you love,
laugh and eat lots of cheese, even if it hurts.

-Jay Malinowski, Bedouin Soundclash

Growing up, but not really

2009-10-02T12:58:00.002+10:00

This whole Japan thing (thankyou for all the congratulations!) has made me think a lot about growing up and life paths and making decisions and all those boring adult-y things. Because in fact, part of my desire to go to Japan was to avoid the whole 'getting a real job and settling down' type of thing that most people do after finishing uni. It just happened to be that I really wanted to run away and live overseas but I didn't want to work in a pub in England or a ski field in Canada, I wanted to do something worthwhile and useful.

And the more I've thought about it the more reasonable it seems for me to live all over the world, teaching English and volunteering and having fantastic experiences. I'm giving myself at least 5 years before I really need to make any big decisions about what I'm going to do with my life, and maybe in those 5 years I'll have fallen in love with teaching, a certain country or culture and have it all figured out. If not, I'll come back to Melbourne, go back to Ikea (I would love to say I'm joking but really..) and sort myself out then, and I'll still only be 27!

So here's to the act of growing up as a result of doing something childish like running away.

I'm going to Japan!

2009-09-28T18:58:00.002+10:00

Pretty polaroid from here

Remember how awhile ago I mentioned that I wanted to go to Japan as a Teaching English as a Foreign Language teacher? Well after six months, a bunch of study and an interview with the best (in my opinion) chain of English schools in Japan I received my letter of offer today!

They still have to wait to find out exactly where I'm going and when I'm starting but most of the contracts start around January. I'm so excited and totally freaking out, this is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me in my life. Who knows when I'll come back, there's so much of the world I am desperate to see after I have had enough of Japan, it could be years before I return! Don't worry though, I'll keep on blogging and taking polaroids while I'm at it :)

Wineries also help

2009-09-03T14:20:00.002+10:00

Especially wineries with amazing food, pretty rivers and tables on a bridge. If I could go back here every time I had a problem with the universe I would be a very very happy person.

Fighting back with pretty power

2009-09-03T14:09:00.003+10:00

Thanks for the messages on my last post, I hope you are all succeeding in fighting your own battles against the universe. As for me, I refuse to let the universe beat me down. Surrounding myself with pretty things is probably not the cheapest way to fight back, but it sure makes me feel good.

At least I tried

2009-08-20T17:35:00.003+10:00

You know, I try to do good things and be a good person. I try to be kind and helpful as much as possible. Sometimes I'm not, sometimes I'm in a bad mood or someone will make me angry and I won't be as polite as I could be to them. But I would think and hope that for the most part the universe would see me as being a good person. Instead the universe has been giving me one slap in the face after another this year and I really have to ask, what did I do to deserve this? And I know bad things happen to good people all the time. But when it happens to you (over and over and over), you can't help but feel a tiny bit victimised. So for now at least, there will be no more post its, no more cookies, no more spreading the happiness until I've finished sulking in my corner.

Further evidence of awesome

2009-08-15T22:11:00.003+10:00

Rockstar cookies for my rockstar co-workers who listen to me whinge all the time and say nice things to me. I got so flustered handing these out to people, it's funny how doing nice things can be embarrassing sometimes.. luckily the best response I got was from the person that I was most excited to give them to :)

Spreading the awesome

2009-08-14T17:37:00.001+10:00

(the awesome store called, they're all out of you!)

I've been having a bit of fun at work and around town, if nothing else it never fails to make me smile.

I'm so web 2.0 right now

2009-05-21T11:15:00.002+10:00

click image for original source

Considering how quiet it gets around here I decided I should probably tell you where I am most of the time. Because it's not like I'm out there having a life or something, no no I'm still on the internets, just other parts of it.

My flickr
My twitter
My tumblr
My momentile

Stalk away my sweets!

Magic wands

2009-05-11T23:37:00.002+10:00

Every single time I walk past these in our front garden all I can think of is this picture, and it always makes me smile.

Psst.. Momentile.com is to thank for my sudden increase in photos, as it turns out deadlines are good for inspiration and creativity. I'm trying to take at least one photo every day, which sure is making me look at things differently. Read about Momentile here, if you want an invitation leave me a comment with your email and I'll send it over, it'd be nice to have more people to follow!

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

2009-05-09T20:36:00.005+10:00

Someday soon I hope to be stepping over cherry blossoms and crazy Tokyo streets, until then I'll try not to spend so much time looking at my feet :)

A corner of my home

2009-05-04T12:38:00.002+10:00

/japanese paper cranes from yesterday's craft market

/champagne glasses from my brother

/mum's very old plastic pink polka dot champagne glasses

/salt and pepper shakers from my granny

/an assortment of books, old and new

/teacups from the body shop (weird I know)

/and a beautiful tea tray that I want to use and display at the same time (I should have bought two)

/beautiful tin of chinese rose black tea

/a brownie model C also inherited from my granny

/a japanese vase with jasmine incense

/for the love of light

Backtracking

2009-05-03T17:01:00.003+10:00

I'm thinking I was maybe a little bit too excited for the beginning of winter and instead I should focus on autumn while we have it. The last few days have been chilly but sunny, which is the best find weather because you can wear jeans and a cardi while still enjoying clear, bright skies.

Something that annoys me a little bit about Melbourne is that we rarely get to experience the full range of the seasons properly. Sure summer is hot and winter is cold, but autumn too often feels like winter and spring looks like summer (with more rain). I get super jealous of people who live in places where the leaves actually turn brown, yellow and red in autumn instead of remaining evergreen, so when I see evidence of something like this in Melbourne I really have to stop and admire it.

I've tried to spend the maximum time possible outdoors this weekend as it's been my first weekend off work for a very very long time. Ikea is a bubble, it's a whole other world, especially when working in markethall where there aren't even windows. So yesterday after afternoon tea at the Windsor for my aunt's birthday I dragged my mum (on crutches) to Fed Square to check out the book market and sit on the steps listening to jazz music. We only got snippets of jazz because it was 4pm and they were just setting up for their 5 o'clock show, but it was still a really nice atmosphere there with everyone sitting around and chatting. I think Melbourne (and Australia in general) needs more communal public areas like the town squares they have all over Europe. That way we can actually feel like a group of people rather than just a crowd of strangers. That's just my opinion anyway.

Oh hello winter, welcome

2009-04-16T22:26:00.003+10:00

A bit of randomness to finish off the weekend..

I tried to think of three words to describe me but I could only come up with one: Hopeful.

Five simple pleasures: My morning ritual of tea and twitter. Big comfy jumpers and dvds on the couch. Sitting outside in the sunshine on my work breaks listening to Whitley. Walking on the other side of the street and seeing things differently. Eating cheese and dip for dinner.

Quirky things about myself I've learnt to love: I have a mole on the inside of my middle finger on my right hand, I think it's cute. I make up stories about old houses. I can't stop buying Chinese noodle bowls. I love the beach/ocean, but I'm totally freaked out by it. My favourite part of going to the movies is watching the trailers. I get carried away with my fantasies quickly and intensely. I laugh at myself when I trip in the street. I suck at making eye contact with people, so I smile a lot to distract them. I will eat cheese with pretty much anything.

I'm excited about these movies: 500 Days of Summer, Away We Go, I love you Man, Funny People, The Boat that Rocked.

These clips make me happy and sad at the same time (both via Le Love, a blog which makes me all fuzzy and smiley)

Showing off

2009-03-29T22:06:00.002+11:00

Bedouin Soundclash @ NXNE SXSW BBQ from NOW Magazine on Vimeo.

Just found this on the net, not that I was googling or anything.. This is Bedouin Soundclash at SXSW in Austin Texas, scarcely two weeks after we saw them in Melbourne and hung out with them over the two nights. See the trumpet player? Cute no? Heh. I'll leave it at that ;)

I can't wait to see what happens next

2009-03-24T19:13:00.003+11:00

I am so tired that I had to put down my newest edition of Delicious because I was literally falling asleep while turning the pages. The tiredness comes as a result of a change of pace in my work life where I've gone from working between 12 and 20 hours a week at Ikea to somewhere around 35-40 this week. The reason for this is that I've started working in the lighting department as well as on cashline, and when we get the new self-serve express checkouts I'll also be helping to supervise them. This is all such a "so what?" thing to most people I know, but in my jobs I've always cruised along, laying low and just getting the job done.

For me to actually stand up and make the effort to apply for new positions and learn a new department is a huge thing for me. I've always turned down supervisor positions in my previous jobs because I didn't want to complicate the job for myself. It also takes me up a rung in the Ikea hierarchy where being a check-out chick was really the bottom rung. Suddenly I'm trusted with a work phone and I get to use the computers in management, it's all very exciting for me!

I guess the underlying reason for all of this is not only to earn extra money by monopolising over two departments, but also to challenge myself and force myself to continue learning while I'm waiting to go over to Japan. Oh yes that plan is still very much there. In fact tomorrow I might even call up and enquire about that TEFL course so I can finally get the plans in motion. I'm excited to be making plans and taking chances and pushing myself, for such a long time I have just 'settled' for everything in my life. Other than moving to Melbourne I don't think I've really done anything that amazing in my life, so this is my chance to shake things up! Keep pushing me people, I think I'll need a nudge every now and then when I hesitate and lean towards the familiar rather than the unknown.

My title and the inspiration for this post comes from a post by Orangette which made me think about the wonderful things that I've been planning :)

Oh and I graduated, finally! Check out me and my bro being tools before the ceremony:

Big Decisions

2009-03-15T12:00:00.004+11:00

My new friends, Bedouin Soundclash (should I mention the free ticket to Soundwave?)

It's been a long time between cups of tea (metaphorically of course) and I'm really sorry for that. It's not like nothing interesting has happened to me, I hung out with a band for two days and turned 22, I just haven't been able to find the words to describe it all. The bushfires silenced me and since then I've been trying to reassess and re-evaluate the things that are most important to me as a person (as if I don't do enough of that already). I'm trying to spend less time worrying about the superficial crap that usually fills my mind and get to the real root of my happiness (or unhappiness).

I really want to thank everyone who took the time to comment on my last post, I really appreciate that other people would admit to feeling the same way that I so often do. I love that there are so many like-minded people in the blogworld and that it is so much easier to connect with people like myself through the internet. I still have a yearning to search for 'my people' in the real world though, and I've decided that the first step towards this is to immerse myself in a completely new and foreign culture. Like Japan. The connection isn't obvious, I know, but the idea is to take myself out of my comfort zone and try something totally and completely different and see how it affects me and how I grow as a result of it. Once I truly know myself, then I can find people who get me. Does that make sense?

So the idea is to teach English in Japan for one year and if I really enjoy teaching then I can always come home and do a Dip Ed to become a fully qualified teacher. As always I'm full of big dreams and no action, so my next step is to book the Teaching English as a Foreign Language course and get myself a job placement. It's a big, scary, insane step, but I really feel like it's something I have to do. Hopefully putting this plan out there on the big wide web will hold me somewhat accountable, don't let me talk myself out it!

Making time for tea (and life evaluations)

2009-01-25T20:18:00.001+11:00

The one thing that is keeping me sane after working 5 days straight at Ikea (apart from the organic soy lattes at Plough to Platter) is my evening cup of tea on my balcony. Occasionally this has been swapped for a beer on particularly frustrating days, but for the most it's been a cup of trusty Lipton's. And with the tea comes the deep thoughts, the 'trying to figure out what I want to do with my life' thoughts.

Right now I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do this year now that I'm not at uni and only working part-time. I had grand plans of going to Europe with a friend for a month but we've recently realised that our savings are going down, not up, and it's becoming less and less likely that we'll be able to afford it at all. On the plus side it means I can go to New Zealand with my parents for three weeks instead, which will be really great seeing as we haven't had a family holiday since we went to Queensland when I was in Year 10.

Either way I'm trying not to stress myself out about it but I also know that if I don't do something proactive about it I'll just end up coasting for years without a "real" job like my brother is still doing. The difference is that he can actually get a real job with his degree (Computer Science), I can't. There's a huge part of me that really wants to shake things up and move to the coast or across the world or join the army or something ridiculous, the monotony is starting to get to me here. I also have this feeling that I haven't really found my "crowd" just yet, and while there seems to be plenty of people in this big wide world of the internet who might "get" me, I just can't seem to find people face-to-face who are the same. It's not that I don't love my friends I have, I just feel like there's something missing. Or maybe I'm just being selfish?

What some may call resolutions

2009-01-18T23:17:00.004+11:00

1. See more sunrises
2. Drive to the coast occasionally
3. Grow my own vegetables
4. Voice my opinion
5. Make time for tea
6. Spend more time outdoors
7. Picnic
8. Be a guerrilla gardener
9. Attend a film festival
10. Find my own personal style
11. Take responsibility for my own happiness
12. Shop at Farmer's Markets
13. Cook a roast dinner for my friends
14. Learn to run
15. Create and explore

It's an addiction

2009-01-12T12:19:00.002+11:00

Now I know what Pia was talking about. Once you Poladroid you can never go back. It even makes really boring photos look good!

Oh and you know what else is fun? Tiltshift. Look, miniature skaters! Too bad I don't have many photos that suit this application, it's still fun though. Click on the picture to see a bigger view.

Jumping on the Poladroid bandwagon

2009-01-11T19:20:00.002+11:00

Poladroid has finally gone PC! In case you have been living in a computer-free closet and haven't heard of Poladroid yet it is a magnificent program which allows you to turn your boring old photos into virtual polaroids! Complete with the delightful burring sound and you can watch it slowly develop before your very eyes, genius. For ages there was only a Mac version of poladroid, so I would frequently visit the website eagerly awaiting the release of a PC version.

Ever since getting back from Europe I've been kicking myself for not taking polaroid while I was over there (I had the camera, but the film was dead!), so now I can use the pictures I already took and transform them into beautiful polaroids. The changes in colour and lighting are amazing, making previously dull photos into really pretty shots. Now that I've run out of actual polaroid film and I can't really afford to buy any more for the moment I'll probably be relying on poladroid for a lot of my photos. I know you can tell the difference because my polaroids are normally have more of a hazy-dreamy quality rather than the bright colours, but for the while it will be a fun experiment.

p.s I hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year break, I had intended to post more but got a bit lazy with all the festivities. Thanks to Tara for calling me out on my bad blogging ;)

Etsy is mocking me

2008-12-18T16:24:00.004+11:00

Why is it that exactly when you are having a financial crisis you find the most awesome stuff ever on Etsy?

I'm also wondering whether my love for all things Swedish came before or after I started working at Ikea? I'm thinking before, but it has enhanced the effect. I went to the Scandinavian Christmas Bazaar (fete) in Toorak a few weekends ago and it was fantastic. I wish I had taken my camera so I could show you the amazing things they were selling. I bought a few really beautiful papercut ornaments and decorations for myself and my mum and chowed down on Danish pancakes and Swedish waffles, yum!

I can't wait for it to come around next year and hopefully this time I won't have to go alone because it really is a fun atmosphere to be with family and friends, I strongly recommend it (oh and you get to gawk at all the ridiculously huge and beautiful Toorak mansions which is also fun).

One of many Christmas traditions

2008-12-18T15:49:00.005+11:00

StickyScreen, leave yourself a virtual stickynote, I love it!

I know I've been a bad blogger as usual, despite my promises of keeping you in the loop. It seems that once you finish your degree and stop getting AusStudy payments you actually have to work more than one day a week to support yourself, who knew? So I have been slogging it out at IKEA most days, trying to be as polite as I possibly can while explaining once again why it is that we don't provide plastic shopping bags, and why you have to load up your trolleys yourself, and why you can't take the trolleys to the carpark. I try, I really do, but when you've dealt with the same snippy remarks about exactly the same things with every third customer can you really blame me if I don't answer with a smile?

But all that doesn't matter, because it's almost Christmas and I'm only working one day between now and Christmas so I have plenty of time to wrap, bake and shop. Our little flat is a tremendous mess because I either haven't been home or I've been too tired to care about the random mess strewn across all rooms, unfortunately I will have to clean it all before the parents arrive on Christmas day. Shame that.

I thought I might share with you one of the many Christmas traditions I seem to have acquired while living in Melbourne, and it basically involves eating, drinking, and looking at Christmas stuff in the city with one of my fellow ex-hometown compatriots. For the last three years we have ventured into the city to view the Myer windows, the Fed Square advent calender, and the Crown atrium show. This year we followed this with the cheapest and best dumplings in Melbourne from Shanghai Dumpling, my new favourite place to eat in the city, and then cocktails at Cookie which are always huge and amazing (despite the 20 minute wait). It's one of my favourite Christmas traditions despite how increasingly disapointing the Myer windows are and how both Fed Square and Crown seem unable to give up what they have done for the past few years for something new.

One of the other Christmas traditions I have is with my parents and my aunt, every Christmas Eve we watch Carols by Candlelight (in the dark, with actual candles) and drink champagne, eat cheese and sing along badly (they are all tone death) to the carols. This year we are taking it one step further and going to the rehearsals which are on the day before, Mum is packing us a picnic and I'm hoping to have time to bake us up some goodies as well, I can't wait!

Eye Spy what I want for Christmas

2008-12-01T13:43:00.002+11:00

Well here we are on the first of December, I put up my Christmas tree last night because I knew I wouldn't be motivated enough to do it today in between gym, acupuncture and packing for ye olde hometown. You may or may not remember but my Christmas tree for the past two years has been a bit sad, a bit lean-y, and a bit small. So we upgraded to an adult-sized tree this year, which means I'm more than lacking in the decorations department. Mum told me just to say it was a 'work in progress' and that it's better to have buy a few nice decorations every year rather than a bunch of cheap crappy ones. I definately agree, we've never been ones for the whole matching ornament department-store looking tree, where's the tradition in that? I can appreciate how pretty they look and how crazy ours look, but these ones are built up over years of memories and milestones.

Since 'This is' wrapped up I've been a bit worried that I might run out of things to talk about on here, and I'm almost out of polaroid film so that also presents a problem. While I didn't always remember to do my 'This is' post it at least gave me something to think about when I was trying to come up with something to post about. So I've decided to jump of board the 'Eye Spy' which is fairly similar, only a bit simpler and open for interpretation. A big thanks to Bug and Pop for hosting it. The first topic 'what I want for Christmas' is so difficult for me to answer, I have a million things I want for Christmas, but I know I won't be getting them. I already know one thing I'm getting after I almost bought it for myself and my brother rushed in and said 'you might want to wait until after Christmas'. So here is a hypothetical list of things I would hypothetically like to have for Christmas:

- new subscription to Frankie mag
- subscription to Dumbo feather, pass it on
- a facial and massage
- a pretty brown bag
- new Kikki K diary
- proper BBQ for the balcony
- food processor and mixer
- a cabinet for my Granny's awesome collection of salt and pepper shakers I have inherited

That's about all, a girl can dream can't she?

A Melbourne Shakespeare tale

2008-11-28T23:01:00.002+11:00

Well I have finally finished my degree! Well to be technical I haven't passed yet so I can't be certain that it is all over, but fingers crossed right? My last exam was on Monday and it was the hardest of the three, passable though I think. I've been a busy little girl for the rest of the week trying to catch up with my socialising and shopping before I head back to ye olde hometown next week for a few days with the parents.

I thought I'd share with you this polaroid I took last week sometime. I've been wanting to take a polaroid of this house ever since I got my camera, and every day I walk past it on my way to and from uni and I make up little stories about it in my head. You see directly opposite this big old mansion sits another big old mansion. In my head they were built by warring neighbours back in the olde days (I'm not good with era's) who were trying to outdo each other, a bit Romeo and Juliet style.

And in true Shakespearean tradition there were star crossed lovers who would each sit in their bell towers, with their candle flickering, staring out across the gardens and the street to the person in the other tower. Who knows maybe they even did some kind of wacky light signals with their candles? I'm sure it's possible. Maybe they ran away and eloped, or maybe the girl was married off to some rich kid in Canterbury.

So there you go, a little peek into the silliness that is in my head as I walk by these houses everyday with my head skyward, wondering what the insides of these very pretty old houses look like.

I'll be back to regular programming now so I will be back sharing all my wonderful discoveries and insightful philosphising that has been going on over the last few weeks, aren't you just so excited?

Cuteness overload

2008-11-15T20:04:00.001+11:00

Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.

Now I know you've probably seen this little french girl all over the blogs by now, but could she be any cuter?! Look at those eyes! Gah, jealously. I'm so teaching my kids french (after I learn french..) so they can be this cute.

Make me happy

2008-11-14T18:42:00.002+11:00

I've been feeling a tad melodramatic lately, in case you haven't noticed. So before this turned into another poor-me-I'm-so-displaced-in-life post I decided to kick that thought process in the guts and instead contribute to Mike's week of happy (very late), if only for a day. So in no particular order, 50 things that make me happy:

1. playing with light
2. silver watches
3. chopsticks
4. polaroids
5. bright nail polish
6. white bedsheets and floral pillow covers
7. business cards
8. wooden tea trays
9. brunch
10. gin rummy
11. Leffe Blonde
12. decluttering
13. recluttering
14. 'testing" the cookie dough/cake batter
15. list-making
16. gift-wrap
17. gingerbread houses
18. summer nights
19. hot air balloons
20. pink champagne
21. handbound notebooks
22. bbqs
23. homemade lemonade
24. lying on the grass
25. giggling children
26. secret santa
27. circus tents
28. etsy mail
29. rainbow crotchet throw rugs
30. bright eyes (I'd forgotten how much I adore this video)
31. 4pm naps
32. tropical cocktails
33. wanderlust
34. big old houses with bell towers
35. sending postcards 'just because'
36. epiphanies
37. cookbooks with beautiful pictures
38. cardigan weather
39. fish and chips
40. disposable cameras
41. ceiling fans
42. the silent study floor of my uni library
43. red lentil soup
44. warm turkish bread with spinach dip
45. pie charts
46. swedish christmas ornaments
47. frozen raspberries and grapes
48. laundromats
49. calendars
50. 'summer' by Josh Pyke

I put my pants on both legs at a time

2008-11-10T13:03:00.001+11:00

does anyone else watch this and just think 'ultimate wedgie'?

Quarter-life crisis, take 2

2008-11-09T21:20:00.000+11:00

Do you ever feel like this? I sometimes feel like I need to expect less so I don't feel dissapointed when I'm 80 and looking back on my life.

This is.. my favourite quote

2008-11-09T14:17:00.002+11:00

I'm not sure if we're meant to use actual quotes by famous people or something like that for this week's theme. To be honest I haven't actually been to the post of the blog of the person who came up with this week's theme. I'm in the last stages of finishing my report which is due tomorrow at 8pm and I'm going a little batty.

So to honour this, I've used a 'quote' from issue four of Mankind Mag. For some reason just looking at this picture (by Nicole Parks fyi) made me go 'oh yeah', as if it wasn't completely obvious. So often I sit at my computer staring at a blank screen so scared of writing something completely crap and unsubmittable that I continue staring at the blank screen and don't write anything for hours. This little quote just tell me 'just write SOMETHING anything, then at least you're thinking about it and you're haflway there'.

I wrote this quote on a bit of paper and it now sits above my laptop, with my 'keep calm and carry on' postcard and another quote that I love:

'There is no greater tragedy than doing nothing, for fear of doing too little'.

I found this quote back in VCE when I was having similar problems with my work, I'm such a perfectionist that I always expect the best from myself and when I feel I can't do my best I just do nothing, which is only selling myself short. These quotes keep my going and push me over the edge more often than not. Hopefully you find them useful too.

Etsy love

2008-11-08T22:59:00.004+11:00

I love these so much it hurts a little bit. Unfortunately my budget simply does not stretch to $55 US a print :( Aren't they just absolutely adorable though?

I don't know if it's the whole working at Ikea thing or what, but I seem to have a soft spot for Nordic looking stuff at the moment. Doesn't help that one of my other favourite shops is Kikki K. The Swedes are taking over! And I'm quite happy for them to.

So instead of sending myself broke I settled with this equally gorgeous gocco print by LittlestFlower which I bought after less than 2 minutes of deliberation. Possibly an all-time record for me, I generally mull over purchases for a good 2-3 days before hitting that 'purchase' button. But for $9 including the frame, I'd be stupid not to.

Before I die..

2008-11-08T22:35:00.003+11:00

I love this site. It's funny seeing how some people say really frivolous things while others take the deep road.

Personally, before I die I want to experience reckless, out of control, all consuming love. No matter how soul-shattering and blinding it is, I wanna give it a go. Because as a Piscean I'm predisposed to be a bit of a sucker for romantic punishment.

I would have said 'find contentment' or 'be happy' or something similar to the one in the photo above. Which I also want of course, but I'm a bit stuck on this love thing for the moment.

What about you? What do you want to do before you die?

This is.. a recipe I would like to share

2008-11-06T19:49:00.001+11:00

You'll have to excuse me for not writing this up myself or taking real photos of the batch I made, things are a little crazy here with the report you see. Hence why this is super late, although that's not really so unusual for me.

Either way, click on the pic above to see the proper size version of it so you can read it. It is probably my favourite soup recipe ever right now, and I am kicking myself (and Delicious) for having not found it when it was actually winter and I could eat it without raising a sweat. I made my first batch of this on Friday when the cold weather kicked in for the weekend (you have to love Melbourne weather like that) and I ate it for every meal until yesterday lunch time. And even though I ate it for every meal for 4 days, I found myself wanting to make another batch straight away. Too bad the old Melbourne weather had decided to kick back into Spring by then so it will just have to wait.

Trust me though, it is awesome. I added a bit more chillii to mine to give it even more of a kick and I ate it with lemon juice squeezed over the top. Yum. For anyone over the other side of the world who might happen upon my little blog, make this your soup recipe of the coming season, you won't regret it!

Relief

2008-11-06T17:01:00.004+11:00

I don't usually get much into politics, but there is something amazing about Obama that actually gives me hope for America and the world once again.

This.. something I'm suprised I like

2008-10-29T14:00:00.002+11:00

It's kind of freaking me out how clucky and nest-y I am getting these days. Like seriously, I'm 21! Oh and the fact that I'm totally freaked out by babies. And I don't even have a boyfriend. And I have no idea what I'm doing with my life for the next 5 years. All that doesn't really bother me, because I'm excited about living this crazy and unbounded life for the next few years.

But, I am finding myself totally in love with all things kid-related, but mostly baby/toddler related. I think it might have a lot to do with the fact that kid/baby stuff has become a hell of a lot cooler and more designer-y lately, with overseas parents mags like Cookie and Milk, how can anyone resist! My friends think I'm weird (weirder than they already think I am) because I spend hours on the Ikea children's furniture page, yet when I baby comes near me I cower and say "no seriously, I don't do babies". When they can crawl and babble and are less likely to scream for no particular reason, that's when I can be around then, but until then, no thankyou.

So it seriously suprises me when I find myself trying not to buy wooden alphabet blocks and vintage night-lights to hoard away for the day I have those little well-behaved bundles of joy. It hurts me to think that my kids will probably grow up in a world of plastic-toys, computer games and bratz dolls. I know there are people out there who manage to sew clothes for their kids and teach them to knit and home school them, but I just don't know how possible it is to do that without totally socially isolating them? That's just my ponderings anyway, we had a presentation yesterday on the sexualisation of children in the media (advertisements for kids clothes etc) so it's something that is on my mind at the moment. Feel free to contribute your thoughts on the topic!

Flashback Friday.. 5 days late

2008-10-29T13:50:00.000+11:00

..or two days early? You decide!

I just love this picture. It's from my Auntie Margaret's wedding and my Mum was one of the bridesmaids. How great is her wedding dress? It's just so 70's with the flowery lace. I find it amazing that my Mum can make her bridesmaids dress actually look good, I mean really, who could pull of something like that? It's even worse in the colour photos, it's a weird shade of orangey/pink. Stay tuned for more stylish photos of my Mum's 20-something life!

One good thing a day #4

2008-10-29T13:36:00.001+11:00

One good thing about Spring is the bright streams of light that come through the windows, making you run for the polaroid camera halfway through making a cup of tea.

Things will be quiet here again for the next two weeks, my massive research report is due Monday week, so I will be scrambling to get it together. Hopefully I will be popping in with photos every now and then, but I'm running out of polaroid film so it might be even more sporadic than it already is!

This is.. my favourite films

2008-10-20T00:44:00.002+11:00

and some of my favourite scenes..

Across the Universe (I even stopped myself from using a Jude scene!)

Almost Famous

Garden State

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Virgin Suicides

Life is Beautiful

I have more, Amelie, Into the Wild, Moulin Rouge, but I'm all youtube-d out! Thanks to Hokey for the theme this week, I had fun reliving some of my favourite scenes.

Word of the day

2008-10-17T13:32:00.000+11:00

Tarantism: An urge to overcome melancholy by dancing

One good thing a day #3

2008-10-17T07:23:00.004+11:00

One good thing about walking home at 6:30am after 2.5 hours sleep is seeing two hot air balloons floating past the huge full moon as it sank towards the horizon.

I only had my phone so I couldn't take a very good photo, so you'll just have to take my word for it how cool it looked.

Flashback Friday

2008-10-16T13:29:00.003+11:00

Here's my gorgeous mum once again. The year was 1972 and she had just won a scavenger hunt. This is probably my favourite photo of my mum. She looks so happy in her hat and with all those bottles of grog. In fact I have a photo of myself from a few years ago, also happy to have alcohol, and you can see exactly how alike our faces are. Too bad I didn't have a cool hat.

One good thing a day #2

2008-10-16T13:24:00.001+11:00

One good thing about summer is painting your toenails bright blue.

My calves look huge in this polaroid. But it's just the angle of the photo.. surely.

One good thing a day

2008-10-15T11:29:00.002+11:00

One good thing about being so ridiculously stressed for three weeks straight is the knowledge that the end is so near.

I've decided to play, because I need to stop whinging so damn much. Thanks Pip for hooking me up to Bricolagelife. This may turn into 'one good thing a week', but the intention is there.

Navel-gazing

2008-10-13T22:58:00.003+11:00

I've been tagged by Bec!

The rules:
- Link to the person who tagged you.
- Mention the rules.
- Tell six quirky yet boring, unspectacular details about yourself.
- Tag six other bloggers by linking to them.
- Go to each person's blog and leave a comment that lets them know they've been tagged.

1. When I am stressed/angry I tidy. When I am really stressed/angry I become a sloth. When I am really really stressed/angry I clean obsessively like a hyperactive energizer bunny.

2. Ads make me cry more than movies.

3. I'm really bad at small-talk. It feels fake and forced and unnatural to me. I think this gives people a bad first impression of me.

4. I get inspired easily. But I also get discouraged easily.

5. I've discovered that I automatically empathise with people and things too much. I can empathise with an inanimate object if I don't rationalise with myself.

6. I am terrible at hiding my emotions, my face may as well be a projection screen for my thoughts.

I tag:
Jacinta
Hayley
Bianca
Kat
The mysterious 'K'
and the mysterious 'R'

This is.. my current reading material

2008-10-12T17:08:00.002+11:00

Click the pic for extra fun! You might even learn something..

Essay number 2 is now complete, albeit an absolute pile of rubbish. All I want is to pass, seriously, just get me out of here.

Now I get to start on the lab report, lucky me. This is my reading material, 8 articles about individualism and extrinsic motivation. Amazing how a lab report can suck the fun out of even potentiall interesting topics. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a combined total of 179 pages to read, understand and summarise by the end of today...

Keeping good company

2008-10-10T15:35:00.000+11:00

These dudes have been keeping me company and providing distraction while I attempt to finish essay no.2. Thanks to Cintia for the great tips on how to string them up! They are quite enjoying hanging by my window and playing in the breeze.

I have to say though, the phrase "never work with children or animals" also applies to paper balloon animals, trying to get a photo when they were facing the same way was impossible! I'm sure my neighbors found it quite amusing seeing this girl standing on her bed, polaroid camera in one hand and trying to twist the balloons in the right direction with the other hand. I'm lucky I didn't face-plant onto my bedside table.

Anyway here they are, I have named the tiger Samuel, and the panda Harry. Hope your weekend is better than mine!

Flashback Friday (on a Thursday)

2008-10-08T17:35:00.003+11:00

(Click the pic to see it's full sized glory!)

I know there is/was a Flashback Friday meme going around, so I decided that I'd finally join in for a few weeks. The reason I hadn't joined in until now was because being only 21 and born in 1987, I didn't exactly have any photo that were circa 70's/early 80's that would allow me to particpate!

A couple of days ago I was looking at all these awesome photos I have of my Mum around my room from her 20's and I had a lightbulb moment, I could use them! I absolutely love these photos of my mum, she was stunning back in the day (not to say she isn't now..) with her long brown hair and legs that seemed to go on fuh-ev-ah. Seems I didn't inherit those genes, grr. Although she attributes her teeny tiny 20's body to the fact that her Mum was a terrible cook! And let's face it, home cooking has gone up a few notches since then, in my house it has anyway!

I have about 5 or 6 pictures that I'm going to share with you over the next few weeks, and you'll probably notice that we have exactly the same face pretty much, closest I'll ever get to know what a twin of me would look like. I hope you enjoy these pics, (and I hope Mum doesn't mind me putting them up here!) because I seriously love them and how hippy/retro/STUNNING my old ma looks in them.

The above pic is of my Mum (standing, check out those legs!), my aunty (sitting) and one of my cousins (I assume.. most of them are at least 10 years older than me).

Money money money

2008-10-07T22:25:00.006+11:00

Procrastination seems to be becoming an expensive activity for me..

I received my necklace, animal balloons and 'Keep Calm and Carry On' postcards in the mail over the last few days. But I've been too lazy/busy to actually take any photos of them. I'm also trying to figure out where and how to display my animal and world map balloons, do I just tape over the hole? Cinti, any suggestions?

So my latest purchases are these beautiful motivational posters which I've loved ever since I saw them over on Cup of Jo. My love was even more confirmed after seeing them on Design for Mankind and I decided it was a SIGN. After all, I was procrastinating, so what better to spend my money on than a motivational poster or two?

It took me so long to decide which ones to go with, but I felt that these two were particularly important to me at this stage of my life. Plus they were pretty.

I've bought so many posters and art prints and I still haven't framed any of them! I feel so bad for the beautiful things when they arrive and I have nothing to put them in to display them. As soon as all this uni craziness is over I will do it. No really I will.

I'm also so excited because today in a random cleaning spree I found my lost polaroids! I've been trying to figure out what I did with them for months now. Turns out I had put them in a little bag and stacked them on my bookshelf with other stuff that I'd forgotten about. I was amazed by how many there were, I'd could only remember about two. This puts me one step closer to the polaroid heart.

Obligatory feet photo

2008-10-01T00:07:00.001+10:00

This was going to my "This is.. show off time" post, but the sunlight totally bleached out my awesome new shoes! I can't seem to get it right with my polaroid at the moment, it's either too dark or too bright so I'm not getting the detail I want.

Anyway, this is my driveway and these are my new shoes, not that you can see them.. they are blue and sort of a cross-hatch, flannel-y type pattern. Does anyone know what that's called? It's driving me insane. (*Edit* It's called plaid! Thanks Kerry, I feel pretty stupid now..)

I got these from rubi shoes, a new division of cotton on, which has the cheapest and most mass produced shoes ever. Which should kill my conscience, but I got four pairs of shoes for $50, and I'm not going to argue with that! They're all a tiny bit big but I need to get insoles anyway because they have absolutely no arch support, so hopefully that might make them fit better. But for less than $15 a pair I don't really care if I can't wear them for longer than an hour at a time!

Please?

2008-09-26T22:01:00.000+10:00

Whoops..

2008-09-25T15:49:00.007+10:00

So today I was going to do homework right?

Instead I went out for lunch, then went on an online shopping spree and bought this necklace:

Two of these postcards (green and robins egg blue on bottom left). I know everyone has one of these posters know and it's totally yesterday, but I think they are too cute and now that I have postcard size ones I can easily frame them for my itty bitty kitchen, I found them via Lin's post.

Then I made the mistake of checking my bloglines (did I mention that I managed to read all 985 posts that have built up?! No wonder I'm not getting any work done) and saw these gorgeous Japanese paper balloons on My Poppet's online shop. After discovering they were only $3.50 each I of course had to buy myself the panda and the tiger.

To make things worse I had a bit of a browse around after putting these balloons in my cart and noticed the globe paper balloons as well. I figured I already had two paper balloons, what difference is it going to make if I get a globe as well? At least then I will know how to write country names in Japanese right? Perfectly reasonable.

Paypal is an evil invention. But oh well, at least I'll be getting some fun mail in the coming weeks! I was getting a bit sick of all the bills and reminder letters from OPSM/Red Cross/RACV/blah blah.

P.s Did you notice I changed my background? I decided that with the new sunny weather I needed to brighten up my blog a little bit, the grey background was bringing me down. Hope you like it! If not I can always change it back, just for you, because you know how much I love you.

I made tea

2008-09-25T12:46:00.000+10:00

Morning (/afternoon) all. Tea anyone?

Guess I should actually do some work today.. but it's so sunny outside!

The evolution of my walls

2008-09-22T19:42:00.006+10:00

Still feeling sore and unproductive so instead I'm watching Across the Universe again while putting my posters back up on my walls. They have been bare for far too long.

Something Max says in Across the Universe made me think of my "This is" post from yesterday.

Why is it always what will I do? "What will he do", "What will he do," "Oh, my god what will he do", Do, do, do, do, do. Why isn't the issue here who I am?

Amen Max. Let's focus on who we are instead of what we do. It really annoys me how the majority of us have to spend a third of our lives working just so that we have money in order to actually live. Other than the lucky ones who can combine their work with what they love, it just feels like such a waste. I guess that's the reality of it all though. So depressing.

Anyway I'm here to show you the thrilling evolution of my wall uh.. "display". For the Frankie readers you will note that 90% of what is on my wall is either posters from Frankie or just bits ripped out and cut up. That's right, I'm a hacker, we have discussed this before. The other 10% is made up of random doodles of my own or Avant postcards I used to collect from work.

To be honest I don't pay a lot of attention to what I'm doing when I put all my posters back up after we've had flat inspection. I tend to start with the big posters then work around them. It always looks different everytime which is good because I get sick of looking at the same thing after awhile.

So there you go, do you feel enlightened yet? I probably should have made my bed before doing this, but eh, I'm going for the 'natural' look..

It's pretty hard to see any detail from these photos, but these walls provide me with endless amusment and inspiration when I'm feeling stuck and bored. When I have enough polaroids (or find the ones I've already taken) I'll be doing something like this, I don't care how many other people are doing it, it's still awesome.

p.s Before you are completely despair I will have a good look at Ikea this week and see if in fact we do have the wooden 5x7 frame packs that I was talking about in the previous post. I couldn't find them on the site or in the catalogue, but who knows, maybe we have them on display and I just haven't seen them yet?

I can't feel my mouth

2008-09-22T11:48:00.009+10:00

Today I had my fourth filling in three weeks, and I'm officially over it. I'm pretty curtain I'm biting my tongue, but I can't tell, because I can't feel it either. One side of my mouth feels like a balloon, but it looks normal, albeit slightly droopy.

So while I wait for the numbness to wear off and the toothache to set in I'm not going to do a lot of work, because I think this is a fair excuse to ignore my impending essays and to-be-transcribed-interviews. I have a dilemma, and it involves photos, art and frames. My favourite kind of dilemma.

You see a while ago I bought a Yumi Yumi print:

And then I bought two Black Apple prints:

Oh and a diecut:

As you can see my etsy account as been busy..

Anyway, I also got printed all those Europe photos in 6 x 4, which didn't include the ones I'd already had printed in 5 x 7. So, the dilemma. Now I want to frame all of this and I have no idea where to start. I've been getting inspiration from other people as well as the ever wonderful domino website.

I really love this display idea for the Europe photos:

Except for a few problems; Ikea here doesn't sell these packs of frames (and I should know), the photos are printed in 6 x 4 which wouldn't look as good and thus I'd have to get them all reprinted bigger, and also what would I do with all the Etsy prints?

So I'm thinking more of a hodge-podge look might be best, which will require lots of that expensive stick-on-hook stuff and a whole bunch of frames. Should I go for different colours/styles/size frames or stick with one colour/style and just vary the size? It's all so difficult! I was thinking that white or silver frames would be nice for the Black Apple prints, white or natural for the Yumi Yumi print (inspired by her own display). I think black would work best for the diecut and I think just about anything would look good with the Europe photos!

So what do you think? Advice? Suggestions? Cautionary tales? And if you know anywhere (other than Ikea) that sells cheap and good frames clue me in!

This is.. what I want to be when I grow up

2008-09-22T00:18:00.003+10:00

A bookcase perhaps?

I think I've mentioned this before, but when I was younger I had four aspirations. To be a ballerina, a waitress, a model, or a flight attendant. I guess it just shows how high and/or humble my dreams were back then. I think years of being told I was pretty (what five year isn't) went to my head, and waitresses and flight attendants are always portrayed as glamorous in movies so what's a girl to do? I was always awestruck by ballet, but I guess my body didn't want to be the ballerina type, and I am still yet to see proper ballet on stage. I'm hoping to change that this year.

Anyway as I got older my aspirations changed. I wanted to be a journalist, a marketing/advertising executive, and finally a research psychologist. But now.. I don't really know what I want to be when I grow up. It's almost like I've hit a quarter life crisis and everything I thought I wanted in life has suddenly been replaced by this overwhelming urge to just run away and join the circus or be a gypsy or something. Is that normal at this age or should I still be wanting to do my honours/masters/phd and a working stiff for the rest of my life?

I guess the academic route has finally lost it's appeal. At school I was one of the "smart" kids, and being at a public school in the country that wasn't exactly hard. So I always wanted to go to uni and blah blah blah because I was so "smart". Now that I'm at uni I realise that probably about 70% of the reason I wanted to go to uni I was just because I wanted to keep that "smart" status that comes form having a uni degree.

So instead, when I grow up I want to be:
- happy
- content
- loved
- in love
- well travelled
- a mother
- a good cook
- in a good kitchen (of course)
- healthy
- my best.

And that is all I can really ask for. Sorry for the sopfest ;)

Thanks to Cindy at bugandpop for this week's theme and Three Buttons for hosting This is...

Procrastination is writing a post about procrastination

2008-09-20T22:13:00.005+10:00

Procrastination is flicking through the Tupperware catalogue again

Procrastination is reading all 965 posts on Bloglines that have been building for months

Procrastination is changing channels

Procrastination is finding the recipe for the perfect brownie/slice/scone/cake

Procrastination is folding throw rugs

Procrastination is looking up magazine subscriptions you can't afford

Procrastination is doing the laundry

Procrastination is brushing your teeth

Procrastination is spending four hours looking at thankyou cards on etsy/design sponge instead of the transcribing interviews you would be thanking them for

Procrastination is looking at Europe photos, again.

Disclaimer: uh.. I didn't actually make that youtube thing, you know that right?

Just Lovely

2008-09-18T11:02:00.002+10:00

I found this this morning via Hula Seventy and I'm pretty sure it's made my day.

Reasons I love this:

1. It brings strangers together which I always love, remember this?
2. It reminds me once again that you don't have to be extraordinarily talented to make something beautiful
3. It's all about 'lovely' things, which is my favourite kind of thing
4. I also use the word 'lovely' a lot these days without realising it
5. It's inspired me to make something lovely everyday

Just a minute, in September

2008-09-12T22:43:00.002+10:00

Seems I completely missed August, whoops. Although I think I cognitively missed that month as well, anyway care to fill me in on what I did for all of August? So here's to September, Spring has apparently sprung and there is blossom everywhere and the days are longer and the nights are getting warmer, this is good right? I'm having trouble feeling good about the impending shorts/skirts weather though I must say, Fernwood to the rescue!

So I am:

Contemplating.. my future. Next year is a big scary new world for me, I have no plans, no goals, and a suitcase full of dreams. Thus far I have considered living in France/Ireland/London/Canada, backpacking around Europe, volunteering in Fiji, cycling around China and trekking the Kokoda trail. All brilliant ideas, but the idea of travelling alone scares the bejeebus out of me.

Stressing.. about my research project. I guess it's basically a mini thesis where I've had to develop, plan, carry out and write up my own research. I'm doing it on the effects of outsourcing domestic labour on gender division in dual-earner households. Exciting stuff right, who would have thought it'd be hard to find women in dual earner households who hire cleaners/gardeners etc?

Photographing.. nothing at all. But constantly seeing things that I desperately want to take photos of. It annoys me that I'm too lazy to carry my Polaroid camera everywhere with me, it would also help if it wasn't such a stupid shape/size.

Spending.. far too much money on my health. Weekly acupuncture plus 5 fillings (yes, FIVE) plus upcoming cardiologist appointment plus the possibility of personal trainer and/or bootcamp to work out my fat arse. Self neglect comes at a high price my friends.

Hoping.. I can just get through the next 3 months without having a mental breakdown. Pray for me kids, I need it.

Revisiting Europe

2008-08-24T12:59:00.000+10:00

I'm finally getting my butt into gear and getting some of my (and Mark's) photos printed from Europe. It's only taken me 8 months to get around to it, whoops.. once I have them printed, framed, and hung on my walls I'll show you the results!

This is.. how I spend my weekend, and my 100th post!

2008-08-19T22:38:00.003+10:00

Well I'm back, a few days late, to contribute my 'This is' for the week. I've been waiting anxiously for my new laptop to arrive and today it finally landed on my doorstep. I had to wait until after work, after the dentist (so so bad) and then after uni (and after driving back to uni upon realising I'd left my notebook on a ledge in the 8th floor bathrooms, whoops), before I could play with it! My bro has been setting it up for me all day and trying to get it all working but at the moment I'm just trying to get all my bookmarks back and trying to figure out what my passwords to all these websites are (mozilla saves my passwords and I very quickly forget them)!

I'm also in the process of transferring all my photos and music from my old laptop to this one, which is taking a very very long time, especially seeing as I have over 6,000 photos, whoops. So because of that I don't really have any pictures to back up my 'This is', but hopefully you can visualise it!

So to give you an idea of my average weekend I will start with Friday, which should be the best day of the week. For my Friday's are quite possible the worst day of the week, in stiff competition with Saturday. I begin Friday by getting up and heading off to cleaning for the second time that week. Fridays are better than Mondays as I don't have to cook anything and (thankgod) I don't have to clean up after the kids because they're only there on the weekend. I generally clean up the kitchen, unpack and repack the dishwasher, wipe all the surfaces, dust the loungeroom, rearrange the furniture/cushions/magazines/remote controls to make it all look neater, vacuum downstairs, sort the laundry, take the laundry upstairs, put away laundry, clean up his walk-in-robe and re-fold stuff he's mucked up, remake his bed, throw any loose clothes/towels down the laundry chute, dust the bedroom, clean the bathroom, and sometimes vacuum upstairs as well if I think it needs it. All of this usually only takes me an hour and a half or two hours if I dawdle a bit. After this I take his business shirts to the dry cleaners to pick up on Tuesday.

Then I go home, shower, get changed into my Ikea clothes, muck around for a bit and head off to work at about 4pm to beat the traffic. I don't start until 5:30pm so I walk around a lil, get something to eat, have a coffee and head upstairs. I work until 9:30pm on Friday's, so by the time I get home it's about 10pm. After this I watch a bit of tv and go on the net for a bit, then head to bed because I have to start again at Ikea at 10am. On Saturday I get up at 8am so I have time to have a shower, dry my hair, and eat breakfast. I try to head to work at about 9am. I only live about 10 minutes from Vic Gardens but I hate being rushed and like to have time for coffee. So I grab a coffee and head upstairs. Saturdays I work 10-6:30pm at Ikea so it's a long day of standing up and dealing with cranky customers who don't understand that you aren't meant to put big heavy boxes on the conveyor belt and give me a hard time about not being able to take trolleys to the carpark (I know it's a crap system, I really do, but I can't do anything about it). I get two half hour breaks, one I spend in the staff restaurant where we get reasonably good food for only $3 (free on peak days), the second break I usually go downstairs to the food court and get something from Baker's Delight and a bottle of Nutrient Water (so good when you're feeling dehydrated from talking all day). I finish at 6:30pm, get home by around 7pm, collaspe on the couch, haul myself back up to get changed and re-straighten my hair then head out either to dinner with one of my friends or out to local bar or friend's 21st.

I'm generally pretty buggered and cranky on Saturday nights but it seems to be the only night of the week that everyone I know actually wants to do something so I find myself dragging myself away from my beautiful couch and tv to spend more money on food and beer. I guess it's good to get out of the house though and not be a total recluse, despite how much more comfortable that might be. I also just remind myself that I have all Sunday to be a total slob and quite possibly not get out of my pj's or shower until past 2pm. However, Sunday is also my catch-up-coffee-day, so it's quite possible that I'll be woken up by someone calling to remind me that we are in fact having coffee/lunch at 12pm and that I really should be out of bed by now, sad.

Sunday nights are usually (I say usually, but we haven't done it for a few months due to exams and overseas trips) spent with my friend who comes over to watch Greys Anatomy/SYTYCD/Private Practice/Big Brother with me while we order the best take-away gnocchi ever from Sara's Bistro on Glenferrie Road. This is the best way to spend Sunday nights and it gets me prepared for the frantic week ahead. So that's pretty much my weekend, I bet it gives you a thrilling insight into my life *rolls eyes*

Free Hugs

2008-08-14T23:14:00.000+10:00

Hugs to everyone for their lovely comments. I know I've said it at the start of every post I've made this week but you guys are seriously what makes me keep opening up my blog and writing a little something, even though it feels like nothing it still feels like enough to connect with you all. A big thanks to Tara who is the bomb, and I actually teared up when I read your comment Tara because I know you went to hell and back at the start of this year and I can only hope I have even a smidge of the courage and spirit that you had to pull yourself up out of that.

I'd been kicking myself for not taking a photo of this little piece of graffiti in Lyon for 9 months now. After just downloading a new photo editing program (Picasa, it's amazingly fast and really fun) I discovered that my dear ex had in fact taken a photo of it! Why hadn't I realised this earlier? Anyway, I think it has a bit of a bansky vibe going on there. A quick google of the french reply (to make sure it didn't say anything naughty before I posted it here!) led me to this site. A very basic google translater tells me that it says "A smile, is free". Or something along those lines, either way I like it, and I'd like to use it as an expression of my appreciation for all the wonderful people out there in blogland who have been thinking of me and trying to convince me that my blog has a purpose ;)

Keeping up is hard to do

2008-08-13T17:35:00.003+10:00

Thanks so much for the supporting comments, it's really helping me to dig myself out of my glumness. I've been in my own little world and haven't really been checking up on anyone's blogs or visiting Frankie forum for weeks now, I discovered how far behind I was when I nervously signed into my Bloglines account. Seems I have a LOT of catching up to do, 396 posts to be exact. Eep. Too bad I bought my uni textbooks today and already have some serious reading to do. But I'll get around to it, I promise, then maybe I'll know what I've missed out on these few weeks.

Also on a side note, am I the only person who tears up at the Coles Olympics ads with the Mum's helping their sporty lil kids? I don't know if it's just the song that plays, but it gets me everytime. I'm such a sucker. This is the video clip for the song, it has lots and lots of Polaroids, yay!

Remind me to post pictures of the Ben Lee concert I went to last week, he is so small in real life, but really funny and sweet. And a few days ago I bought tickets to Josh Pyke, I'm so excited about it, he's by far my favorite singer.

Update

2008-08-12T13:08:00.002+10:00

I know I've been absent and I thought I might just point out that all the dramas from last month have finally caught up with me and I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps and out of it. Hopefully August will be a better month, but for the moment I'm just trying to cope with going back to uni and getting myself organised so I don't end up a total train-wreck like last semester. I've been a bit slack with the "This is" memes, but I guess that's because they don't really apply to me very much at the moment considering my blog isn't really about me having any particular skill or trade. In fact sometimes I wonder why I actually have a blog, and I think it's because I just like to be part of this big blogging community and even if my blog is completely lame it at least gives me a way to interact with you all. I'll also be trying to continue with the "Just a minute" meme. Thanks everyone for your thoughts during the last month.

Just a minute, in July

2008-07-29T23:18:00.002+10:00

Here I am jumping into another meme in an attempt to force myself to blog when I think I have nothing to blog about. Well I guess we'll see about that.

Here's the jist of it:
Pretty easy really - pick any day of the month to post (maybe when you can't think of a thing to blog about!) and give us a handful of highlights beginning with an action, like: reading... or eating...
Give it a title, 'Just a minute... in (insert month)' so others can find them easily in your post list.

And here we go:

Climbing ladders to enter my flat through my balcony after locking myself out while trying to be a good Samaritan! My next door neighbor left the side door of his van open and being the kind-hearted person that I am I decided to go over and tell him so his belongings/van wasn't stolen.

Mourning the deaths of my Pop and my Granny, my two remaining grandparents, one from each side of our family. My Granny's death came as a shock to all of us, we really expected another ten years or so before we'd lose her. I really wanted her to be around for when I got married at least, but sadly it wasn't part of the bigger plan.

Learning how to use a new phone after dropping my mobile in my cup of hot milo last night. Not such a clever thing to do it would seem, phones do not seem to like milo as much as I do.

Baking a delicious lemon meringue slice for a Tupperware party I attended on the weekend. That's right, I've pretty much hit the pinnacle of domesticity, all by the age of 21.

Discovering all kinds of crazy things about my genealogy. For example, some of my ancestors were the pioneers of Tasmania, I even know the name of the ship they arrived on. Also, my great great great grandparents were Scottish and Irish and my Mum's maiden name was changed twice during this time. I love finding out these things, I've always been told that our family was just plain English all the way back and I found this so boring. Roots.web is great for looking up the names of grandparents and great grandparents to find this kind of stuff.

Listening to Pete Murray's new album which I bought today, I love this song, so I'll leave you with it today.

This is.. what makes me cry

2008-07-28T18:52:00.002+10:00

Every time I see the reuniting of soldiers and loved ones on the news it makes me absolutely bawl. I don't know what it is, but wow, it gets me every time.

1. Reunion, 2. A Hero's Welcome, 3. National Guard Homecoming (9), 4. troops welcome, 5. National Guard Homecoming (18), 6. Homecoming, 7. A long kiss goodbye., 8. volk field (29), 9. volk field (190)

Homemade Granola

2008-07-28T18:27:00.003+10:00

Finally, the homemade granola recipe! I know I've been a terrible blogger lately but all kinds of things have been going crazy and the last thing I feel like doing is actually using my brain to string words together.

Now before I start talking about the recipe I have a vocabulary problem, what is the difference between granola and muesli? I tend to call this granola because it's what the original recipe is called, but I'm wondering if it's just a American vs Australian dialect thing, like sweater and jumper etc. Anyway for the moment I'm going to call this granola, but feel free to correct me or call it something else.

I've been wanting to make my own granola for awhile now, I've never really liked breakfast cereal or toast, and I find the muesli/granola that you can buy from the supermarket has a ridiculous amount of sugar and other yucky things in it. I will admit now that I think making this on a permanent basis would be quite expensive unless you can buy everything in super-bulk. I only make half the recipe each time as my bowls aren't big enough to hold the 5 cups of oats plus everything else without making a huge mess! I find that half of this recipe is enough granola for about a weeks worth of breakfast, and I have quite a small serving. Consider yourself warned. However, in saying all of that it is delicious, especially with warm soymilk and a sprinkle of cinnamon. It's also great as a snack with fruit at work or school.
I got my recipe from Cafe Fernando who had made a few adjustments to the recipe by Orangette. I've also tweaked a few things mainly out of convenience. So here are a few notes before you read the recipe:
-Because I didn't read the recipe properly I used pepitas instead of sunflower seeds. They're the same size and taste just as great, so use either or both, up to you.
-Like Cafe Fernando, I found it easier to use organic baby food in place of the apple sauce/peach puree. One little bottle is approximately half a cup so it works well. I used two bottle of the apple one as I couldn't find any other flavours. Feel free to use whatever you feel like.
-Adjust the cinnamon and ground ginger to your taste, I used the amount specified by Orangette as I thought that Cafe Fernando went a little overboard with the cinnamon.
-I couldn't find grape molasses so I used pomegranate molasses because the deli guy told me it was "the best". I couldn't argue with that.
-To add a little more sweetness I stirred through about half a cup of dried cranberries after the mixture came out of the oven, I also added some Goji berries the second time I made it and they were good too.
Homemade Granola
Dry ingredients

5 cups rolled oats
2 cups raw almonds (with skins on)
1 cup hulled raw sunflower seeds (or pepitas)
1/4 cup sesame seeds
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp salt

Wet ingredients

1/2 cup unsweetened apple sauce
1/2 cup unsweetened peach puree
1/3 cup grape molasses
1/4 cup honey
2 tbsp vegetable oil

Method

Preheat your oven to 150 degrees celsius.
Line two rimmed baking sheets with parchment paper and set aside.
In a large bowl, combine all of the dry ingredients. Stir to mix well.
In a small bowl, combine all of the wet ingredients. Stir to mix well.
Pour the wet ingredients over the dry ones, and mix until completely blended.
Spread the mixture evenly on two rimmed baking sheets.
Place the baking sheets on lower and upper thirds of your oven.
Bake for 35 to 40 minutes, rotating pans and stirring the mixture every 10 minutes.
Remove the pans from the oven, give it a good stir and set aside to cool.
Transfer to an airtight container and store in your refrigerator.

Drama-queen

2008-07-26T18:23:00.002+10:00

Yesterday I climbed up a ladder and hopped a rail to get into my own apartment.

Today I was taken from work to hospital in an ambulance.

Fun two days, both quite entertaining stories actually.

But you'll just have to wait until tomorrow to hear about them ;)

p.s The granola recipe is coming. I've been busy.. as mentioned

p.p.s Before you ask I'm perfectly fine now and the ambulance ride did not involve blood or broken bones or anything fun like that.

One word, sometimes it's all you need

2008-07-24T12:20:00.003+10:00

From Pip

1. Where is your mobile phone? bag
2. Your significant other? imaginary
3. Your hair? straight
4. Your daughter? hypothetical
5. Your son? theoretical
6. Your favorite thing? hugs
7. Your dream last night? confusing
8. Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your goal? peace
10. The room you’re in? bedroom
11. Your church? books
12. Your fear? magpies
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
14. Where were you last night? couch
15. What you’re not? consistent
16. Muffins? blueberry
17. One of your wish list items? boyfriend ;)
18. Where you grew up? country
19. The last thing you did? makeup
20. What are you wearing? jeans
21. Your TV? off
22. Your pets? make-believe
23. Your computer? noisy
24. Your life? rut
25. Your mood? impatient
26. Missing someone? anyone
27. Your car? noisy
28. Something you’re not wearing? scarf
29. Favorite store? Ikea!
30. Your summer? heartbreaking
31. Like someone? crush
32. Your favorite color? green
33. Last time you laughed? morning
34. Last time you cried? funeral
35. Who will repost this? you!

It's funny what comes out when you only have one word to express your feelings. Thanks for the nice comments about my last post, the happy list definitely made my day feel a bit cheerier. I have more posts to come, including homemade granola/muesli and a certain book I got I got in the mail. But they will have to wait until tomorrow, I have a date in the city (not the fun kind).

This is.. what makes me happy

2008-07-22T22:11:00.002+10:00

Big apologies for being late again this week, although this time I have a decent excuse. Sadly my Pop passed away on Friday night so I've been spending everyday since helping out my Mum and my Aunt with the funeral preparations and there has been lots of hand-holding and hugs for Mum going on. In the end the funeral was beautiful and respectful for a really great guy who did so much in his life and did so much for other people, he was to be 91 this year and he hadn't yet wasted a year of his life. Funerals are bitter-sweet in our family as it's really the only time that that side of the family come together and we get to see all our other cousins and aunts/uncles other than just my Mum's sister's family who we have always been closest to.

Anyway to bring my mood back up I decided I'd throw myself into this week's theme and remember all the things that make me happy! So here they are, in whatever order they pop into my head:

A good tight warm hug
Singing 'sexyback' very loudly while vacuuming
Perfectly brewed tea
Wedding dresses
The enthusiasm of a one-year-old
Postcards for no particular reason
A stranger wearing a perfume that reminds you of a loved one
Nice graffiti
Playing cards on the train
A good soy latte
Cute cops
Colourful bouquets of flowers
Family gatherings at Christmas
Kodak moments
Tupperware parties
Seeing life through the eyes of a Polaroid
Petals on the ground after a wedding
Sock monkeys
Unexpected eye contact with a cute stranger
A good ballad
Warm jumpers after a long cold day
New stationary
Still knowing every word to Spice Girls songs 10 years later
Hot watter bottles
Unposed photos of people laughing
Any occasion that calls for Champagne
Fluffy puppies and tiny kittens
The buzz after a good gym workout
Watching foreign sbs movies and having no idea what is going on
Love, of any kind, as long as it doesn't hurt.

That is what make me happy.

She gives me goosebumps too

2008-07-14T18:45:00.003+10:00

Last night I saw the beautiful Clare Bowditch perform an acoustic-ish show at The Corner Hotel, I was about half a meter away from her for the whole show and it was just amazing.

She also has quite the sense of humour; singing songs about her Casio keyboard, donning sunglasses and dancing in front of a strobe light and even playing the teapot.

Her supporting acts were Guy Blackman (yawn) and Hot Little Hands who were so great we bought their album (the drummer is also quite easy on the eye, and has a pretty voice!). For the second last song Clare had a bunch of her cousins, the girl from the Feeding Set and Hot Little Hands join her to sing 'From little things big things grow", it was very sweet!

Sorry about the blurry photos, it's hard to take a steady photo at a concert, I seriously need to get myself a proper camera. Then maybe someone could pay me to go to concerts and take photos.. yeah I wouldn't mind that at all actually..

This is.. what gives me goosebumps

2008-07-14T17:59:00.004+10:00

In case you haven't noticed already, I have a thing for pretty boys
with pretty voices

and (that's right, I used to positively obsessed with NSync, especially JT)

or pretty dance moves.

So it's pretty safe to say that is what gives me goosebumps. It's a weakness I am happy to live with.

I am..

2008-07-10T13:03:00.003+10:00

Well what do you know, according to this personality test, me and smosch have the same personality. Aren't I the lucky one?

Your personality type:

Quietly forceful, original and sensitive. Tend to stick to things until they are done. Extremely intuitive about people and concerned for their feelings. Well-developed value systems which they strictly adhere to. Well-respected for their perserverence in doing the right thing. Likely to be individualistic, rather than leading or following.

Careers that could fit you includes:

Counselors, clergy, missionaries, teachers, medical doctors, dentists, chiropractors, psychologists, psychiatrists, writers, musicians, artists, psychics, photographers, child care workers, education consultants, librarians, marketeers, scientists, social workers.

As someone who has been studying psychology for three years and especially psychological measurement for the last semester, I can point out how annoying and useless these mini-tests are. Basically they tell you what you already know. Then again in saying that, there are some really good career and aptitude tests out there that are do-it-yourself and relatively short, I just need to figure out where to find them..
I still love doing these tests though. Bit of an ego-trip really.

This was.. an unscheduled blogging break

2008-07-10T00:22:00.004+10:00

I appear to be suffering from holiday-brain which has left me completely unable to get up before 10am, go to gym, leave the house before 1pm, remember to take photos, think of something to blog about, and of course, remember to do the "This is". So, whoops, sorry for letting the team down two weeks in a row everyone. Although to redeem myself, I actually went into an opshop yesterday, shocking I know. Sadly I left empty handed as I was with two friends who aren't exactly the crafty-vintage-loving-op-shop-type. Their lose really. Or mine I guess, considering I had exactly thrity seconds to look around the whole shop.

Anyway getting back to the latest "This is" which is: This is my most treasured childhood possession. After thinking about it for awhile I realised that it's pretty hard to narrow down what would actually be my Number 1 most prized possession. Possible candidates include: My huge collection of Barbies, whole bookshelves of Noddy and The Babysitter's Club (also a notable selection of other Enid Blyton books), My Little Ponies, any of my gajillion stuffed animals (Simba and Nala from the Lion King being favourites), or any of the plastic/porcelain/sewn dolls which I loved to "beautify" by applying makeup to.

I think that the things that I treasure most NOW from my childhood are the things that my Mum made for me, she was quite the sewer back then and I think that's why I can feel it in my blood despite still having never really given it a go. My Mum made me clothes, dolls, ill-fated teddy bears (his head fell off..), and a giant patchwork quilt which still sits on my bed back home. By a strange coincidence when I was home last week I took photos of two of my favourite dresses from when I was a little twirly-dressy-show-off which I've kept in my cupboard back home. But what I discovered annoyingly yesterday was that I had uploaded the photos onto my parents computer and then deleted the photos from my camera by mistake. Thus I no longer have them here. BUT, don't despair, I happen to have two photos on my laptop where you can see the dress my Mum made for me, and a teensy bit of the other dress that I wore to death.

Oh and Mum made that hat too, isn't she great? Hopefully I can follow in her footsteps because I'd love to see my little girl(s?) in handmade clothes and funky straw hats with bows, I mean seriously who wouldn't? When I get those photos back I can show you a dress with some serious smocking that looks amazing. I wonder if she ever learned to crochet? Because I tell you what, Pip is seriously influential sometimes and I'm thinking that the lack-of-needing-a-sewing-machine appeal of crocheting might just force me into it. As if I don't need another throw rug in this flat anyway, four is clearly not enough for two couches.

Paypal go bye-bye

2008-07-02T10:49:00.003+10:00

Is anyone else having absolutely no luck accessing their paypal account? I'm trying to pay for two beautiful purchases and the login page just won't load! It's driving me batty and it was doing the same thing last night, I don't like leaving anything unpaid for any amount of time and I don't want to lose my purchases!

Help?

Oh and I've done the whole cookie thing, no deal.

Edit. Well after about an hour paypal finally decided it wanted to load for me, directly after I had sent convo's to the sellers asking if I could pay by a different method etc. Typical.

Readings is a dangerous store

2008-07-01T22:52:00.005+10:00

Today I almost bought this for a friend's upcoming birthday (and perhaps one for myself as well)

And this one, thanks Frankie for finding me to perfectly pretty beginner quilting book!

Oh and this one. I know I don't have kids nor plan to have them anytime soon, but this book is just amazingly beautiful, it was so hard to walk away from it.

"How restrained of you" I here you say! Well I did buy one book, it's called "No Time to Lose" and it's written by Pema Chödrön who is an American Buddhist. I know it's not exactly meant to be a beginner's text but I'm finding it very interesting to read. After all I'm used to reading philosophy essays and psychological papers that I completely do not understand so this surely can't be that hard to get through.

I felt like this book was a bit more practical for me to be buying right now, whereas I don't have a sewing machine yet so a quilting book would lay unused for months, I don't have children so the Home book seems a bit unnecessary right now and the birthday isn't for another month so I have plenty of time to buy that one. Don't get me wrong I'll probably be back there in a week searching for all three books I put back and praying they haven't yet sold out! But for now I will pat myself on the back for walking out with only one book instead of four (although to be honest I did also buy myself a bookmark and a notebook).

Also have you downloaded this yet? I especially love the second last page, I laughed out loud, I love to-do lists, especially silly ones.

I believe I've been tagged

2008-07-01T11:20:00.003+10:00

Now I have to admit that this meme is potentially very embarrassing for me, primarily because I looked at my "Top 25 most played" list on my itunes yesterday sitting at the top was the entire soundtrack to Across The Universe. Shameful I know, but I've been playing it on repeat for the last two weeks. There are other songs in this list though luckily, so to avoid boring you by going on about ATU (again) I'll focus on those songs instead.

Instructions, should you wish to participate:
"List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your summer/winter. Post these instructions in your blog along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they're listening to."

1259 Lullaby- Bedouin Soundclash
Call it off- Tegan and Sara
Make a plan to love me- Bright Eyes
River- Angus Stone
Between the tea and the toast- Clare Bowditch and the Feeding Set
Tangerine- Led Zeppelin
Fill you in- Josh Pyke

I don't think I even know 7 people well enough to tag them for this so I'm going to trawl my comments and pick a few people and see if they're feeling neighborly: Tara, Liss, Lara, Jacinta, Beth, aaand I'm going to leave it at that because I'm feeling lazy. If you want to play consider yourself tagged!

p.s. you may have noticed my lack of "This is" yesterday, that's because *gasp* I don't actually do a great deal of op-shopping, not so much because I'm not interested in it but because I am so damn lazy that I rarely leave Glenferrie Road other than to go to Vic Gardens (where work is) and Chadstone (no op shops there!) *hangs head in shame*

Keeping promises

2008-06-26T13:48:00.003+10:00

After my little rant the other day about the environment/sustainable living etc I thought maybe I would point out a few little things that I have actually done so that I'm not all talk! These things are by no means earth-shattering (or should I say healing?), but I think it's the little ignorances that accumulate into the bigger problem and these small changes can simple lead to greater awareness and hopefully make a bit of a difference.

To start with, the first thing I did after reading these tips was change all my bills and statements to electronic rather than paper. I then thought about the whole 'green bag' dilemma. My problem with green bags is that I have about 30 sitting at home and in my brother's car, but I most often do grocery shopping on-the-fly after work, uni or when go to buy coffee, in most of these circumstances I am walking, have a small handbag and didn't actually intend to do any grocery shopping, therefore I rarely have a green bag with me.

So my solution came in the form of envirosax, these are reusable shopping bags made from lightweight polyester, they are waterproof, machine washable and can hold up to 40 pounds of weight, which is twice what a supermarket bag can hold. And above all, they are pretty! Much more attractive than a green bag anyway, I got the Flora 5-bag set and I love them! They fold down to practically nothing so that at the moment I'm keeping two of them in my handbag at all times and I hardly even notice they are there.

Other things I am doing is not driving unless absolutely necessary, this means I pretty much drive to work and that is all. If I need to do shopping or feel like grabbing a coffee I either walk or get the tram, with petrol prices at the moment it's pretty good motivation to get of my butt and walk! I also sneakily turned down the thermostat at my parents house, I wash my clothes in cold water, unplug my laptop at night and when I'm going out all day, print on both sides of computer paper, reuse water bottles to death, don't get the newspaper or phonebooks, buy my meat from a local butcher, only eat meat about 3-4 times a week, and that's about it.

Things I need to do include: putting a "no junk mail" sticker on my mailbox, not using the tumble dryer so much, having shorter showers, being more stringent with recycling, not wasting water when washing the dishes, recycling the wire coathangers from drycleaning (although these are technically my bosses not mine, but really as if he cares about the environment), and turning off lightbulbs more!

I've also been lecturing my parents all week and things that should and could be doing to help make a difference, but I think they do pretty well without me anyway. So that concludes my second environmental rant, if you got to the end of this then I applaud you.

peek-a-boo

2008-06-26T13:37:00.003+10:00

I saw this flower growing through the fence at the parents house yesterday, the whole plant had grown towards and through the fence so that from far away it looked like someone had picked the flower and placed it on the fence rail.

Semi-dried tomato and feta pull-apart

2008-06-25T11:48:00.004+10:00

I'm up in the country at my parent's house for this week doing what I always do when I'm here, cook. I generally take the opportunity to spend as much as mum's money as possible and cook as many things as possible before it's time for me drive back to my tiny kitchen in Melbourne.

So yesterday I started my cooking binge with a semi-dried tomato and feta pull-apart. After struggling to find a recipe at first the end result ended up being a mash-up of about three different recipes I had eventually found. And it turned out perfect! I was so proud because I don't have a good history of baking with yeast, things tend to end up gluggy or tough or just plain yuck. I had to substitute a bit of wholemeal flour beacuase I'd ran out of white flour and I think it m ade it even better! So here it is, and my version of the recipe:

Semi-dried tomato and feta pull-apart

Ingredients

1 cup milk
7g sachet dry yeast
3 cups plain flour (I substituted about 1 cup of wholemeal flour and used wholemeal while kneading)
pinch of salt
2 tablespoons caster sugar
60g butter, chopped
marinated feta (I used the dodoni feta in the little container where the dips etc are)
small container of semi-dried tomatoes
chopped up herbs (basil, rosemary, parsley etc)

Method

Combine 1/2 cup hot water and milk in a jug (mixture should be luke-warm). Add yeast and stir to combine. Cover with plastic wrap. Set aside in a warm place for 5 minutes or until small bubbles appear on the surface. Combine flour, salt, sugar and butter in a large bowl. Using fingertips, rub butter into flour until combined.
Pour yeast mixture into dry ingredients. Mix to form a soft dough. Turn onto a lightly floured surface. Knead for 10 minutes or until elastic. When you press dough, the indentation should bounce right back.
Preheat oven to 200 degrees and lightly oil a deepish casserole dish or loaf pan. Divide into eight even portions. Roll 1 portion into a (roughly) 10 x 20cm rectangle, about 5mm-thick. Sprinkle with chopped herbs. Top with one-eighth of the semi-dried tomatoes and one-eighth of the feta. Roll to enclose filling. Cut in half widthways. Place side by side and cut-side down in the pan. Continue with remaining ingredients. Cover and place in a warm, draught-free place for 30 minutes or until dough has risen to the top of the pan.
Brush with reserved marinade from feta and sprinkle with sea salt flakes and cracked pepper.
Bake for 15 minutes at 200 degrees then reduce to 180 degrees for a further 15-20 minutes or until it's a lovely golden colour and sounds hollow when you knock on it.
Let it cool a little bit then get into it! Tastes fantastic warm from the oven and as a side with soup or pasta, yum!

This is.. my most favourite outfit that expresses my individual style

2008-06-22T18:47:00.003+10:00

Confession. I was actually going to pretend to have forgotten about this week's This is theme. I love the theme but my wardrobe is very uninspiring at the moment due to lack of funds and/or time for shopping. Also most of my clothes either don't fit me or don't fit me well at the moment so I wasn't really looking forward to posting a "top to toe" photo of myself!

So while I was hiding behind a veil of feigned ignorance I noticed on kootoyoo's post a little thing called Polyvore which I could use to recreate the exact sort of outfit that I would wear if I: a. could afford it, b. could find it, and c. could fit in it. So here we are, an outfit that reflects my personal style, top to toe, sans me.

Although now that I look at it I'd probably include a scarf as well, wouldn't want my neck getting chilly! Thanks to Angela for hosting, Kitty for the theme, and Kootoyoo for Polyvore!

The other flickr game

2008-06-16T17:34:00.003+10:00

These things are so fun and addictive. Too bad I still have that exam tomorrow *sigh*. Thanks for another reason to procrastinate Mary Jane, Midge & Mink!

Clickety click the pic to find links to the photographers and the explanation for shy Mr Photo 3!

These are the photo topics:
1. name of birth place
2.country where you live
3. favorite kind of house to live in
4. one word to describe your style of decorating
5. favorite town for a city-trip
6. favorite country for a holiday
7. favorite piece of furniture
8. favorite kind of garden
9. favorite flower
10. a historic place you visited and liked very much
11. where would you move to if you had to?
12. favorite room in your house