Fighting battles against myself

Well I've been in Japan for officially two months now. It's certainly been the biggest challenge of my life and to be honest I didn't know if I'd even last this long. I've fought off major heart-wrenching homesickness, continuous work-induced panic attacks, overwhelming loneliness and that general overall horrible feeling that you've made the biggest mistake of your life. I really felt like I was failing and that I was a crap teacher and I was one of those people who just couldn't "hack it" in another country. It's really a terrible feeling when you look forward to something for so long and then you get here and think "what the hell made me think I could do this?".

But things are slowly getting better. I still get nervous about work but it doesn't send me into a spiral of panic. I'm still homesick but I'm not crying over the fact that I can't eat bacon and eggs with my parents on Sunday mornings. I'm still lonely sometimes but I've made some really great friends here who make my weekends something to really look forward to. Things are definitely not perfect and I'm not sure that I really love (or like) my job all that much but if I can get through each day and have a little bit of fun and maybe a few interesting conversations then that's a good day. A whole year here feels like a long time and I wonder sometimes if I can really deal with a full year, but I'm sure it'll start going by super quickly soon. I have a lot of things in semi-planning at the moment (day trip to Tokyo Disneyland, climbing Mount Fuji, holiday to South Korea in summer, a weekend trip somewhere with my cousin) so I have a lot to look forward to.

As always a bit of Dr Seuss wisdom fits perfectly with my experience here, my Mum even told me that she's been reading my "Oh! The Places You'll Go!" book that Halia gave me whenever I complain of being homesick and she feels sad.

"I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too.

Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,

Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot."

But in times like these all I need to do is look to my crazy Super Junior boys and they make me feel all better again ;)