Monday, February 25, 2008

He took my mojo too

Well I know I said it would be quiet around here for awhile, but I didn't quite mean this quiet. I'll explain. On Monday when I returned home from Cobram Mark came over and proceeded to break up with me. It was a surprise that's for sure. I won't get into the details, suffice to say it wasn't a bad breakup, it was necessary and the logical thing to do, but it still hurt like hell. For a week I just lay around and cried, I felt like I couldn't do anything without it feeling like someone was gradually pulling out my intestines and punching my heart at the same time. So I didn't unpack the final things from Europe, I didn't unpack my bag from Cobram, I didn't clean, I didn't cook with my new scanpan, I didn't go to work on what was meant to be my first day back. I was just so drained emotionally and physically that everything was an effort. Even reading my beloved Frankie was too much for me to handle.

So since getting back from Europe I have now completely lost my mojo, both cooking and crafty. I'm hardly even interested in the things that I used to spend hours reading and doing. I really really hope I get my mojo back, because it was a part of me that I was really excited about, and a developing part that I was so desperate to nurture and protect because it finally gave me something that made me feel... like me. I hope it comes back, but for the time being I need to focus on other parts of me that also need nurturing, such as my whole self image and mental construction of myself. It's something that has been ignored for too long. So while my heart is healing and my mind is being "reconstructed" hopefully my mojo will come crawling back to me.


Lara said...

Baaaaawh, sorry to hear that love!! Tough tough times. Don't be too hard on yourself if it takes awhile to pick yourself up off the ground, that's completely natural and not weak or anything.

Sounds like you knew it was the right decision which is good. It means instead of being stuck in the wrong relationship you can look forward to finding the right one (and/or finding yourself)... you're moving forward and that's a good thing.

I always imagine that if the same thing happened to me I'd be really grateful for having my 'craft' and blog to fall back on - something that makes me happy that I have complete control over and that nobody can take away. So maybe something like that will help you feel better too... when you're ready :)

Tara said...

OMG.. I can't believe I managed to miss this (rather large) piece of information Fi.. And also that we both broke up with our boys within a week of each other! Not that we are similar at all or anything... lol

Well I know you are probably quite far along the path to recovering from this shock to the system by now, but I just wanted to say that after being through this myself - It does get easier to function and your mojo WILL come back (if it hasn't already, I'm in the process of catching up on your posts now)... I have to agree with Lara as well, at least you are not wasting time in the wrong relationship now and can focus on finding someone who is right for you and all that jazz... or be free while you are still young :)

Discover yourself and who you truly are, because if you know that then you will always know if someone is right for you or not... *hugs*

Oh, BTW my cooking mojo has finally returned! I've posted twice this week... wow, that took a while didn't it?!